“The Collected Works of Ms. Hazel Q. Cleftrift”
Transcribed and modernized from original documentation found in a trunk in an english estate by The Herbalist Preservation Society in 1927 (And now to spoil the fun, here is what each ingredient REALLY is)
Hello Dear Reader, I am Ms. Hazel Q. Cleftrift, and contrary to popular opinion I am NOT a witch. Though many of my time will claim that I use magic to achieve the varying effects of my many potions and concoctions I will STRONGLY maintain that the only thing that goes into my potions is the fantastical ingredients that I have found on my many travels. Whether those ingredients themselves are magical or not, I leave up to you, my reader.
Now, you may have heard of my great rival, the “Witchfinder General” Matthew Hopkins (A title which is at best self appointed and at worst a gross misuse of the word “general”) and his exploits across Europe to capture and hang many whom he would claim are “witches”. Indeed, if I, but an innocent honest herbalist, am to be considered a witch then it would seem he’s doing a fine job, because more than 100 of my sisters and brothers in this field have been felled by his zealous hand. Let us both take a moment to respect the honest trade of mixing plants and herbs into beautiful creations, and to pity those with a sight too short to see the use in learning all we can about this wonderful fantastical world.
I suspect that by the time this journal has come to light (the time of writing was 1646, though I suspect it will take at least a half decade to be published properly), my antagonist will have published his book that I have heard tell of him working on (though I implore you to take everything inside with an air of utmost distrust) and I have decided that I too will join my rival in the literary world and delve into the inner workings of my craft. This volume shall be known as “The Collected Works of Ms. Hazel Q. Cleftrift” and I dearly hope that it will assist you in your understanding of this world and the many adjacent ones.
This tome shall be the summary of my exploits, the ingredients used in my potions, a description of where to find them, and shall be the greatest source of modern medicine and herbalism, and the world shall become a better place for it! I look forward to seeing this book adorn the shelves of world leaders for generations to come, and I thank you for your time and respect in reading of my honorable occupation.
Ingredients:
Liquified Dragonscales:
This majestic beast once roamed the world in every land known to the crown, but due to the poaching and hateful pursuit of their kind, the few remaining dragons have retreated to holes deep, deep underground to hide from hunters. The scales I use have been transmuted into a liquid by an unknown alchemical process, and mix much more smoothly than the hardened type.
Air Sprites (pulped):
There exist in the corners of our eyes a realm of whisps and lights that seem to flit about with minds of their own. Those whisps are actually what the old folk called “sprites”, and I found that if captured, they make for a delicious restorative.
Toad Spit:
Truly, the most difficult of the ingredients to harvest for me. Not because of the rarity of the item, as indeed there are many toads to be found everywhere across europe, but rather due to the simple fact that I utterly despise toads. (A fact which one would think would make one exempt from frivolous accusations of witchcraft, but I digress)
The Iris Of a Northern Giant:
I don’t know where exactly in the north these giants live, I only know that I once arrived on their island 10 years or so ago after a particularly bad storm washed me ashore. I only found one of them, a massive brute that could step over london tower like an anthill, but luckily for us was dead for at least a week when we happened upon him. I took the opportunity to harvest the liquid of his irises, which were so stunning and blue that I knew I had to have them.
Vinegar:
This ingredient is rather mundane, but it does have an interesting effect on some other, more fantastical ingredients, so please keep it in mind while building your potion kit.
Acid Salts:
This odd powder is one of the fantastical ingredients that vinegar interacts with. Now, I don’t know what Acid Salts are MADE of, but I do know that they can only be sourced from one chemist for the time being, and he is very guarded when it comes to the source.
Mint Leaves:
These wonderful leaves are the PERFECT addition to any tea, I cannot get enough of the scent and taste! They do have some interesting qualities, but if I’m being honest dear reader, I included these for the taste
Rosemary:
The Herb of remembrance. These plants have been used as both a sweet and savory seasoner in many dishes, but they do have the connotation of mental fortitude and memory, so we will find them useful in some of our potions.
Thyme:
They say thyme heals all wounds, and while that’s a bit of an exaggeration, it does heal many common maladies! It can heal coughing fits, stomach fits, sore joints, and so much more. It also has a few lesser known qualities, which is why I recommend it.
Rock Salt:
This hard, often dirty looking rock is the source of one of the most used spices in the world, it adds a certain flavor to almost any dish, and has been used in alchemy for centuries before my time.
Yeast:
A strange, magic powder that has odd properties, it reacts strangely when heated and sugared, and is most commonly used in the baking of bread. In my observations of the strange powder, I almost would call it “alive” in its reactions to stimuli. Truly one of the greatest unknown magics of our time.
Futuristic de-greasing solvent:
The person who sold me this odd, floral scented blue liquid claimed it to be a de greasing solvent from the far flung future of 1973, although I’m not convinced that the human race will survive that long under the rule of the monarchy if I’m being quite honest… Regardless of the origin, the liquid itself is quite useful in many potions, and should be kept safe. Do not get it on the skin, however; I hate to think of the effect a “de greaser” would have on any of our four humors, particularly phlegm.
Vampire’s tears:
A pale, pale blue liquid that is quite handy in sucking the blood from one’s clothes, and can be used to help certain potions achieve desired effects. It has an unfortunate habit of being adverse to sunlight, and should be kept in the dark when not used, or it will slowly deteriorate.
Pulped Flower Sprites:
Similar to the air sprites, these are simply sprites that have been caught around differently colored flowers, and had taken their hue. They can be used to add a splash of color to any dull looking potion.
Essence of Waterfall:
The pure, bubbling foam of a waterfall. It can soothe upset stomachs, make a surprising amount of fizz, and even cause more… explosive effects if used in a small container…
Essence of Tomcat:
This material is neither pleasant to use, or to gather. Use sparingly, and only when you must.
Soul of Water Sprite:
Water sprites are very, very susceptible to the slight changes in their environment, so by capturing some of them in a small web made of blessed spider silk, I was able to compress them into a liquid that actually denoted changes in water by itself! Not that useful overall, but it has some utility.
Cavedepth Liquid Ore:
The dwarves of northern ireland thought they could hide this beautiful blue material from me, but I slipped deep, deep underground and uncovered it, I’m not sure what they used this ore for, but in the world of potions, it is quite invaluable
Sun Dried Clouds:
The hardest part about getting the clouds into my net was honestly just finding them. It seems that each time I would climb a mountain that appeared to be surrounded by clouds, I would arrive at the top to find nothing but fog blanketing the area. I eventually paid one of the fae, a young winged one that has been following me for a few years to fly up and pluck it himself.
Crushed Kappa Bones:
These odd flakes seem to be from the far east, the old man that sold them to me told of a creature with a concave skull that lived with honor, but ate children who would run across them. Their bones don’t seem very strong, if this material is in fact their bones, but they are very caustic, and I do believe I’ve scarred the back of my hand with some permanently, as it is not fully healing.
Purified Water:
The simplest of ingredients, water. Now, this water has been boiled, sent through dozens of cheesecloths, boiled again, sent through more cloths, and bottled before anything could touch it. If there was any water that was pure without being first blessed by a priest, this is it.
Recipes:
Health Potion:
The most simple of potions, a restorative! I down one of these each chance I get. It’s simple, refreshing, and does wonders for the body!
In order to mix up one of these, you’ll need:
-Liquified Dragonscales
-Mint Leaves
-Water (any)
Simply fill the potion bottle with the water, leaving a small space at the top add a small amount of Liquified Dragon scales (only a few drops should be needed) and add about 2-3 leaves of crushed, powdered mint leaves. Shake vigorously and drink slowly! If you like, you may also add just a pinch of Sundried Clouds for flavor- but just a pinch! Too much will ruin the restorative effects!
Mana Potion:
This one is just a bit more complicated than the last, but is still fairly simple. This potion is used to regain the spirit, to raise your inner light and give you more of that fantastical energy one finds inside their hearts!
You will need the following:
-Pulped Air Sprite Wings
-Rock Salt
-Thyme
-Water (any)
As before, fill the potion bottle with water, up to the top, leaving some room. Add a few drops of the pulped strite wings, and just a pinch (a half pinch? Very little) of ground rock salt. Then add a pinch of ground thyme, and just a hint of Sundried Clouds. Shake VERY well, and try to move your body while you do, it seems to help for some reason. It should be a little strange tasting, but still good!
Stamina Potion:
This potion doesn’t so much give you stamina as much as it shocks you into having stamina you didn’t know you had… It’s quite strong, and a tad odd, but I still drink one now and again for the effect…
-Toad spit
-Vinegar
-Essence of waterfall
-Sundried clouds
-Water (any)
Fill the potion bottle with water to the top and add about 4 drops of Toad Spit, and an equal amount of vinegar, a pinch of Essence of Waterfall, and two pinches of Sundried Clouds (or three, or four, honestly just try and get the taste of the vinegar and toad spit out…) Shake gently until it stops fizzing and the sundried clouds have dissolved, and drink quickly.
Mind Potion:
This one was quite the feat to create, and I’m quite happy with the results! It really buffs the mental state of the average herbalist, and can be a serious help in doing some late night studies.
-Iris of the Northern Giant
-Rosemary
-Acid Salts
-Sundried Clouds
-Water (any)
Fill the potion bottle with water as you would the others, add a pinch of ground rosemary, a half pinch of acid salts, two pinches of sun dried clouds, and shake well! For a stronger, more potent mix, add a splash of lemon juice as well.
Magic Warding Foam:
This potion makes a wonderful foam that is perfect for warding off nasty sprites, pixies, or that annoying fae boy that keeps following me everywhere. You must spread it on the ground around your home, but it doesn’t need to make a perfect ring like salt, just a little bit is fine. It’s quite simple to make and can be made in many different volumes! (although you should be wearing goggles for this one, and be careful of the degreasing solvent as always)
-Vampire’s tears
-Futuristic degreasing solvent
-Pulped Flower sprites
-Yeast
-Purified Water
First, put one part Vampire’s Tears in a large bottle, then put half that amount of Futuristic Degreasing Solvent in as well, and add your preferred color of Pulped Flower Sprites. Mix it very well, and let it sit. Then, in a separate container, take one eighth part of yeast and three eighths parts of warm (not boiling, but warm) water and mix them gently for 30 seconds. Finally, pour the yeast and water into the bottle with the Vampire’s Tears. The resulting foam will keep your home pixie and fae free for up to a week! (or less if it rains)
Fire Spray:
This is a fun one, you ideally have to boil some of the ingredients before using them, buuuut if you don’t, I suppose it still works too.
-Vinegar
-Acid Salts
-Pulped Flower Sprites
Just mix 1 part Vinegar and enough drops of Pulped Flower Sprites to color it, (boil it if you like) and pour the Acid salts in. It’ll make a foam similar to the warding foam, but a little less useful for warding. Instead, this is useful for surprising an enemy! If the liquid is boiling, try throwing the whole jar at the enemy to be sure and scare them off.
Powder Poppers:
These can be a little dangerous if prepared incorrectly, so be fast, and DO NOT secure the top too firmly when creating them.
-Essence of Waterfall
-Pulped Flower Sprites
-Pulped Flower Sprites
First, put the water into a sturdy container with a cork, and add about two drops of any color Pulped Flower Sprites. Then, hold the cork for the bottle in one hand, and a spoonful of Essence of Waterfall in the other. Pour the Essence of Waterfall into the bottle, and then QUICKLY put the cork on, not pressing too hard, but still sealing it. If done correctly, the cork will pop off with a noise and fly into the air! This can be used as a projectile if you like, and if the bottle is light enough, you may even be able to flip the bottle over onto the cork after you put it on and have the bottle be launched instead!
Liquid Sky:
This is the first of two potions that do require a little more finesse and careful mixing. It’s not quite dangerous, but it IS easy to make a mistake, so please follow all the instructions carefully. It should result in a part of the sky coming down to be contained inside the bottle if done correctly. Please note that the sky is not meant for consumption, and all that will happen if you drink it is that you will become very sick.
-Purified water
-Sundried Clouds
-Crushed Kappa Bones
-Cavedepth Liquid Ore
In a glass container, mix two spoonfuls of Crushed Kappa Bones into heated (not boiling) water, then pour into a bottle (the water should leave ¼ of the bottle empty when poured fully in).
Once the water is room temperature again, add 2 spoonfuls and a pinch of Sundried Cloud, and two drops of Cavedepths Liquid Ore. Cork the bottle FIRMLY. Shake the bottle to see the sky appear, and let it stand to watch the sky vanish again.
Love Potion:
Ah, love… a young herbalist’s dream! In my youth I tried many times to create a potion that would cause a boy I liked to pursue me, but unfortunately all the ones I made just resulted in him ejecting his meal across my dress… This one was presumably just as much of a failure as the rest, but it did look promising, and after making it, I came back to find the bottle empty, and an unusual feeling of being watched…
-Purified Water
-Essence of Tomcat
-Soul of Water Sprite
This one requires heat to work, so heat up a bottle full of Purified water, and add a drop of Essence of Tomcat and one single drop of Soul of Water Sprite. The bottle should turn a pretty pink color while being heated, and turn clear when removed from the heat. The color is the most interesting part of this potion and while the love aspect of it may work I don’t recommend letting someone test it out without a doctor at hand. I also wouldn't recommend leaving it out unless you want a fae to follow you around for the rest of your life…
The following 4 are liquid water flavorers, each a different color
Red HP mix - Liquified Dragonscales -safe
Blue HP mix - Air sprite wings (pulped) -safe
Green HP mix - Toad spit (Condensed) -safe
Purple HP mix - The iris of a northern giant -safe
Vinegar, Mint Leaves, Rosemary, Thyme, Rock Salt, Yeast and Purified Water are all what they say they are
Baking soda - acid salts -safe
Liquid dish soap - Futuristic De-greasing Solvent (WARNING, may be dangerous to skin)
Hydrogen Peroxide - Vampire’s Tears - safe
Food dye - Pulped Flower Sprites - safe
Alka seltzer -Essence of Waterfall - safe
Concentrated ammonia - Essence of Tomcat - warning label needed
PH indicator - Soul of Water Sprite - safe
Methylene blue - Cavedepth Liquid Ore - warning label needed
Dextrose - Sun Dried Clouds - safe
Potassium hydroxide - Crushed Kappa Bones - VERY DANGEROUS