I walked into my bedroom and de-transformed. It was early morning, and patrol had been... frustrating. I'd been out with Mourner and Drizti, and while we had found a crime, it was just a lady trying to rob a vape shop. She hadn't even gotten the door open when we found her, and we drug her in for a slap on the wrist. I was frustrated that I hadn't seen any real crime in almost a week, either as Angel Rouge or as Comfit, but my pictures were trending well, and the hype videos I'd posted for the party later this week had already gotten thousands of sparkles. I hoped I'd be able to at least find something to do this afternoon as Comfit, we were heading over to the 130 block, which was a little out of the way, more residential, but still had a small crime presence and only one chosen team for the whole three by three block, teenagers at that.
I undressed to my underthings and got my Comfit outfit out of the basket next to the TV and started changing into it, pulling the bodysuit on first, making sure to keep the fake bits of candy in place as I slid into it. One piece had already fallen off, and I'd had to glue it back on, I'd need to talk to Romanson about fixing them on more securely in the future... I pulled out my leotard and smoothed it out when a knock on my door made me jump, was Alele here already?
"One sec, hang on..." I said, laying down the rest of my costume and walking to the door to open it.
"...Hey, Candy. Or... I guess Comfit." Galorna said quietly.
I blinked at her, and wordlessly stepped aside to let her into the room, closing the door behind her. She had a cake in her hands, a two layered round one with white and red icing on it. It wasn't professional, and it looked lumpy, but my mouth still watered at the sight of it.
"Uh, what are you doing here?" I asked as she put it on my counter "I'm- I gotta go out as Comfit in a few minutes..."
She looked at me with a strained smile, and pulled out one of the chairs around my kitchen table and sat down.
"I'm here because we can't leave things like we did a couple days ago. You've been avoiding meals, not talking to me, walking past me in the kitchen without even looking at me, I... I know I'm supposed to be the leader, but I'm supposed to be your friend, too, and I can't let us fall away like that, for the team, and for us."
"So... you made me a cake?" I asked, eyeing it
"I tried, yeah." she said "I'm better at cooking than baking, but I did my best. I've been thinking about what you said. When I asked what I did wrong, you told me to think about it and figure it out, and I think I finally did..."
"O-oh..." I said, feeling guilty. Had she been thinking about it since then? That was days ago... I hadn't even known why I was so mad myself, I didn't expect her to come up with something...
"I've been... Not filling my role correctly." she sighed "I see that now. I've been trying to be the big sister and the 'team mom' to all of you, and I'm not even the oldest, I just happen to be the biggest and the best at fighting. I won the vote before anyone even knew me, and my first actions as leader were to take all of you to a dangerous bar and then kill someone in front of the whole team, and ever since I've been bossy and demanding without considering people's needs and wants."
She rubbed her face into her hands "I bragged about holding you when you cried, but I was the one to make you cry, and... holding you was just me doing damage control. I- I understand why you're upset, Candy. I'm not doing what all of you trusted me to do, I'm not being who you trusted me to be, and I'm sorry."
I stared at her, my heart pounding, she'd thought hard about this, she'd made a whole speech, how was I supposed to respond to that? I couldn't just say 'oh, it's fine', because it'd make her feel unheard, but if I agreed with her, I'd be making her feel worse. I swallowed and picked my words out as carefully as I could.
"Well..." I said "I think we're all doing the best we can. We're... all a mess right now, I'm being two heroes for the gods' sakes, I had a panic attack because my power made me see people as people for some reason, then kept pushing itself into my head until I ate sweets, fuck... Lucy is going through some weird thing where she's trying to become Angel Sable and re-shape herself, I'm sure you of all people have noticed. Driz had that fetish picture issue and she's still trying to figure out life outside a cult, and Alele is... well. She's lonely, I guess? She's doing ok, but still, the rest of us? We're all a mess, Galorna. It's ok."
I sighed "What wasn't ok was to take out my frustrations on you and make it your problem, I'm sorry for bitching at you..."
"...I just..." she looked at the floor "I just don't feel I'm the best fit to be the leader anymore. I need to be supporting the team, not leading it."
"...So who do you think should be team leader?" I asked "You're still the best option, even if you have flaws. You're the only one with experience..."
She took a breath and leaned back "I don't know. I don't even know if anything would change if I did get someone else to be leader. Driz sounds the best on paper, but Drizti wouldn't know how to lead training, so that'd still be on me, and that's mostly what I do as leader, aside from telling everyone their schedules and giving after action reports to Oori."
"I mean, don't make any changes yet." I said "If you know what you're having issues with, that's halfway to fixing it, right?"
"I guess." She said "I just wanted to say I'm sorry, and I've reflected on it, and I understand and respect your frustrations with my leadership. The cake is lemon, by the way. I hope it's good."
"Thank you for the cake..." I said "I'm sure I'll like it a lot, and don't feel too bad, I was just venting, it's really ok."
She stood up and rubbed one of her arms "I know, I just- I wanted to let you know I understood your position, and I wanted to make sure we were ok moving forward."
I stepped forward and gave her a careful half hug, feeling her stiffen under me as she fought the urge to lean away "Yeah, we'll be ok, thank you."
I let go, and she stepped towards the door "I guess... good luck?" she said "On your second patrol of the day, I mean."
"Thanks, I'm sure it'll go great, see you later?"
She nodded and opened the door to Alele, who was already dressed as Trigger Warning and had one hand reached out to knock on the door.
"Ahaha, I totally punched you in the chin the first time around!" she laughed, her echoing voice mod making her laugh sound slightly scary "I didn't look before I knocked, what's up? Everything ok?"
"It's fine." Galorna said "I was just leaving, I needed to talk to Comfit about some stuff, don't worry about it."
She ducked past Alele, patting her on the shoulder, and disappeared around the corner. Alele stepped inside and looked me up and down as she closed the door
"What was that about?" she asked "you're not even dressed, was she having another one of her 'talks' with you?"
"I... implied she was a bad leader a few days ago." I said "I was frustrated, and it hurt her feelings and she felt bad that she'd been a bad leader to me, so she brought me cake to apologize."
She glanced at the cake "Damn, she needs to stick to cooking, huh?"
"It might taste good..." I said defensively "I feel bad about the whole thing, she wanted to quit being the leader over it..."
"Oh, please tell me you said that was a good idea..." Alele gasped, clapping "We could have another vote and I'd win this time! No offense, but you guys are all messes."
"I told her to keep being the leader." I said "I didn't mean to make her feel shitty, and I'd feel terrible if she quit over a tantrum."
"Laaaame..." she sighed, digging in my kitchen drawer and pulling out a knife "Come on, I know you want to have some of this cake, put on your outfit and I'll get you a slice, I want to know how she did."
The icing was gritty and slightly oily, the cake itself was dry and crumbly, and there were burnt parts around the edges, but I still had two pieces before we left.
~~~
The sun beat down on us as we walked through the neighborhoods in the 130 section, and I was impressed with the air conditioning feature built into the helmets. It only kept our heads cool, but it was still a big help in the warm, humid air. I glanced at a car driving past, it slowed down, and the driver pulled out his phone to get a picture of us as he sped off, so I nudged Trigger Warning.
"Hey, think that guy will know to tag us?" I asked
"Our existence is hidden to most, and our lives are a mystery to even more..." she said ominously
"...What?"
"I'm saying we have four followers, so no, he probably has no idea who we are." she said, annoyed
"Oh... You should just say that, then." I sighed
"I'm playing my character!" she protested "You should be too, where's the chipper, happy, bundle of quirks that we talked about?"
"There's no one around, I'll be on when there's someone to fight..."
She looked around at the empty neighborhood "I doubt there's actually going to be any kind of crime around here that requires our- Ah, ok, I spoke too soon."
I frowned and glanced around, not seeing anythi-
A lady dropped from the sky with a bang and the pavement cracked under her as she hit the ground in a three point landing. Doors opened around us and heads popped out to watch, one family even rushed to pull their porch chairs onto the lawn for a better look. I looked around, shocked at the lack of care these people had, then back at the lady in question. She was wearing a white leotard with yellow streaks across it, and had a puff of yellow hair that stood straight up. Her blue cape fluttered in the air behind her, catching the wind- wind? There wasn't any wind, was she making her own wind with a power to make her cape flutter? I couldn't judge too much, my hair fluttered by itself when it was long enough, but it was still stupid.
She drew herself up to her full height, her blue, heeled boots striking the ground as she posed again and her eyes crackled with a blue and yellow glow.
"I have returned!" she roared "I challenge the heroes of this neighborhood to try and face me again, I refuse to fall before their pathetic attacks, for I... am... Illuminous!"
Bolts of glowing energy rippled around her, sparking against the ground and causing it to glow for a few moments after it struck. We were not expecting to fight powered villains here, but... good PR was good PR, right? I dashed forward and posed outside where I thought her range was, drawing one leg up and keeping my arms in a fighting stance.
"I'll face you, Illuminous!" I shouted "I swear to everyone here that I will not lose!"
...I needed to work on my character more, Alele was right...
Illuminous's eyes faded, and her powers dulled to show a confused, non-glowing middle aged lady with limp brown hair looking at me like I'd grown a second head.
"I... Who are you?" she asked, tilting her head
"I am the candy coated hero of justice, Comfit!" I proclaimed boldly
"And I'm her partner, the enigmatic and dangerous Trigger Warning!" Alele yelled, posing beside me
Illuminous frowned "Uh, I was kinda here to fight The Twin Tails, actually, are they ok?"
I dropped my pose "What? We're here, who cares about them?"
"Well, I came all this way so I could fight them, if they're not here, I don't really need to fight you guys..." she said, looking around "I don't want to steal from just regular people or anything, my sister lives in this section, I was just, uh, trying to prove I was strong enough to beat them..."
"Hey! We're here!" a voice called out from behind me.
I turned to see two out of breath young infernal women, each with long pigtails set high on their head. One had yellow and orange hair, while the other had orange and yellow hair, and they were wearing matching red body suits with fox tails poking out where their regular tails would usually be.
"I'm so sorry we're late..." the twin on the right said "we were on the other side of the section, I saw you coming in, but we didn't bring our skateboards today..."
"Hi, I'm Tawdry Tail, and this is Timid Tail, my sister..." the other one said, shaking my hand "Thanks for keeping her company, but this one's ours."
"Um..." Alele said "Can you just dib villains like that? We were here first..."
"I'm here to fight the twins, guys..." Illuminous said, sounding embarrassed "I really don't want to fight you two, I'm not even doing any crimes, it's just a challenge."
"Why do you want to fight them so bad?" I protested "We can kick your ass too!"
"It's personal..." Tawdry Tail said darkly
"This woman you see before you..." Timid Tail said theatrically, lifting a finger to point "is our former mentor!"
The audience gasped and a one person whispered 'no!' loudly. I got the feeling I had stepped into something I wasn't prepared to deal with...
"I... I guuueess..." I looked at Trigger Warning, who nodded at me "We'll get out of your way? Sorry for the confusion..."
We slowly walked back over to the sidewalk and sat down on the curb to watch the... performance? Rematch? Training Exercise? Whatever we'd just walked into...
Illuminous gave me a smile and a thumbs up, and turned back to the twins, her powers flaring, her hair turning yellow and standing up, her toes leaving the ground "And now, my former pupils... I will show you who is the superior fighter, once and for all!"
"And we shall defeat you with the very techniques you taught us!" Tawdry Tail yelled, summoning a lance made of of shimmering rainbow light
"You stand no chance against our synchronized attacks!" Timid Tail called out as she ran to flank Illuminous, pulling two matching rainbow swords out of thin air
Alele and I watched as the three of them clashed, Illuminous throwing glowing bolts that splashed and sizzled against the twins, flashes of rainbow light coming out of the summoned weapons as they smacked the older chosen. I sighed, it was flashy, but neither side's power had any real threat to it, the most damage that had been done was when Illuminous landed, and the bystanders were standing in the streets and taking pictures and videos, huge grins on their faces.
Eventually, the twins went back to back, and Illuminous took that as her queue to float higher, charging a ball of energy over her head.
"This is my ultimate attack, Glowblast Canonbeam!" she yelled as the blue and yellow energy snapped and popped around her
"Our stance will never falter!" Tawdry Tail shouted back "We're ready!"
Illuminous swung her hands down, throwing the massive ball of glowing sparks at the twins, but they crossed their weapons and the ball stopped in place, spinning against the rainbows as the twins yelled in unison. The pushed back, and the ball flew backwards, slamming into Illuminous as she screamed, blasting the ground around her with energy and throwing her back to the pavement, just in front of us.
"No... my- my power..." Illuminous moaned, slowly transforming back to her regular, non glowing self. "I.. can't hold it..."
"We've beaten you again, former friend..." Tawdry Tail said solemnly "Please, don't make us do it again..."
"Tawdry, do you think we should call it in?" Timid Tail said, resting her hand on her sister's shoulder
"...No, she's learned her lesson. Besides, we've got training to get back to, Timid." Tawdry Tail said
"Ok, let's get back to it then, we have to get stronger to protect all our friends and fans, after all!" Timid Tail said, smiling
They linked hands and walked off the way they'd come, their weapons vanishing into thin air as they left the scene of the fight. The people on their lawns and in the street clapped and cheered, and most went back into their homes, while some of the children clustered up in groups to talk about the fight they'd just watched. I looked down at Illuminous, laying limply at our feet and poked her with my toe. She cracked open an eye and glared at me.
"Don't be rude, I gotta wait a few more minutes..." she muttered
"Like, you have to lie there for a few minutes?" Alele asked "Why?"
"Because then it looks like they won harder than they did, of course, duh." Illuminous said under her breath
"So... you're playing them? You want them to think you're weaker than you are?" I asked, confused
"What? No, I- look, we do this a couple times a week." Illuminous sighed "It's good PR for both of us, I don't put real energy in my attacks, and they don't use the sharp parts of their weapons, if I lose more convincingly for now, when we do make me win, my popularity will spike, and when they make a come back and beat me, then their popularity will spike."
"Wait... You're faking being a fallen? This is all a show?" Alele asked "I think that's illegal..."
Illuminous sat up and made a big show of holding her head and moaning "No, I really did fall away from my church. That doesn't mean I'm a bad guy, I just don't like to share forty percent of my takes with my god. It's not a show, it's just... we're just not trying to hurt each other."
"Fallen merch is illegal though..." I said, shaking my head "You- how are you even making any money?"
"It's only illegal if my church declares me a fallen." she said, winking at me "The twins are bringing in twice the cash since I 'fell' and declared them my enemy, so they never bothered officially declaring that I fell. I pay taxes, even."
She popped her back "Anyway, why are you guys here? The twins have a monopoly on this whole residential block. Are you two poaching?"
"I mean..." Alele said "We don't have a section of our own..."
"You're going to get your butts handed to you if you poach crime like that." Illuminous shook her head "And not by the bad guys, either."
"Well- we need to fight crime somehow, this is all we have." Alele said
"Are you doing it for fame and money? Or to make the world a better place?" Illuminous asked "Because if it's the former, just hire a fallen to be your heel and take dives for you. If it's the latter... Just register with the GGDS, honestly."
"We... might not be able to register, for some complicated reasons..." I said "But it's a mixture of wanting to get stronger and wanting to be famous, really."
"Ah, shit, ok. Reformed fallen, I get it." Illuminous sighed "That makes it harder. Still, I highly recommend just hiring a fallen to lose to you. Netizen is famous for losing as it is, he needs the money for his tech, so he'll lose to anyone who'll let him get away after, and uhh, I think ToeStub is still famous for losing as well, but he's a pain to deal with."
"Why is that?" I asked
"His power is fake pain, so either you gotta feel the fake pain, or you have to act out being fake hurt. It's just a mess. I hired him once while I was a hero, never again..."
"We... might just keep poaching, to be honest." Alele said "It's not like we have a place to fight anyone we hire anyway."
"Parks are good, parks aren't considered poaching, and around hospitals or shelters." Illuminous suggested
"Wait- hang on..." Alele gasped "is that why so many chosen fights take place in parks? They're fake?!"
"Absolutely." Illuminous nodded "For every five real ones, there's at least one fake one. Look, I gotta go before people get suspicious. Keep that under your hats, but... think about it, ok?"
She gave a smile, crouched down, and launched into the air, streaks of blue and yellow tracing her as she flew. We watched her go, and sat quietly for a few minutes.
"Gods, disgusting..." Alele said "Fake fights..."
"Yeah." I said "Just... making up fights to get attention, that's so scummy..."
"It's a shitty practice, people could get hurt, things could go wrong... If you got caught it'd tank your rep..."
"...Wanna try it?" I asked
"...Kinda. We're not getting anywhere like this. Four fucking followers..."
I stood up and pulled her up after me "Let's try that one bar we went to with Galorna our first time out..."
"The one she said was dangerous?" Alele asked "Where people would kill us if they found out we were chosen? That bar? You want to go there and declare that we're chosen and looking for a fight?"
"Do you have a better idea?" I asked "I literally saw Netizen there while we were there, we know he goes there. We can just pop in and ask Saara who's cool and who's not."
"Oh, so now we're telling Galorna's ex that we're moonlighting and poaching?" Alele snarked "I don't know..."
"No, we'll be in character, it'll be fine, come on." I said, pulling on her arm for a change
"...Ok, but only because I'm trying to date you." she relented
"That- no!" I protested "We're on a mission to save my family here!"
"You're on a mission to save your family." Alele said, and I could hear the grin through her voice changer "My only mission is getting you out of that leotard. You can uh, keep the body suit on though, I'm not stupid."
"I swear to the gods..." I muttered, flushing pink and accidentally setting the helmet display to a winky face
"40% and rising, Comfit, and we're on two teams together, so that's... what, I think 52% as a baseline?"
"I don't know, I dropped out of high school, why are you asking me math?" I grumbled as we left the section and headed for the city proper
"Ooh, I could tutor you!" Alele said "How do you feel about sexy teachers? I'm asking for outfit reasons..."
I tried to tune her out, my face blazing with heat. Even if she was growing on me more and more, it would be... unprofessional of me to fall for her flirting. Unprofessional in a lot of ways... I tried not to imagine her with a tight pencil skirt over hose, thin glasses on a chain, and a silk blouse, and failed terribly, Maybe she wasn't the best person to patrol with after all, not with her distracting me like this... I focused on our destination and walked quicker, still pulling her behind me.
~~~
Trigger Warning stepped up to the orc lady guarding the door. She gave us a dirty look and a once over before tapping her sucker against her teeth and snorting.
"Password?" she asked rudely
"Fuck you, bitch." Trigger Warning snapped back instantly
I struggled to stay still, what the fuck was she doing? This was our one shot at finding a heel villain, and if she made the bouncer mad, we'd-
"Aight." the orc said, and jutted her head towards the door.
I followed Alele through as it swing closed behind us, my mind spinning. What?
"Gods, it took me like, almost an hour to guess that password..." Alele muttered through my private com
"That was the password?!" I hissed "I thought she was going to kill us!"
"Honestly I was just venting in between real guesses." Alele said, laughing "I didn't expect it to work."
"...Your power is so bullshit..." I muttered as I held up two fingers to the bar lady and worked my way towards where we'd met Saara last time.
"And to think, I'm not even an angel yet!" Alele said happily
I didn't see Netizen anywhere around, but I did see a couple people I knew from the news following me with their eyes. Ticktac, the insect themed power drainer, Probe, the... universally hated 'info gatherer', BopTop, a hammer villain, and even LazerDick, who'd been banned from all news and mass media coverages, for obvious reasons. A cyber tech soldier with a gas mask stiffened as we approached, and watched us as we made our way to the familiar table to sit. I kept an eye on them, they seemed to bristle as we passed, did I know them? They were wearing too much gear to tell...
"Here ya go, meeting with the sorceress?" the bar lady said, setting our drinks down on the table "Heard she was burned recently, be careful now, hear?"
I ignored her and poked the glass bottle through my helmet and took a swig. We didn't care if she was burned or not, we just needed info, and we had the cash to made it worth her time... Before long, she showed up, looking like a mess, out of costume and still wearing one of Galorna's shirts. She crashed down in the seat across from us, and the bar lady set a few shots in front of her almost instantly, which were gone as soon as we could blink.
"What the fuck do you guys want?" she said flopping back, not making the bubble of silence this time
"I heard you can get us info..." Alele said carefully "I heard you can find us... contacts."
Saara snorted "Not likely, didn't you hear? I got caught helping heroes. I led them right to Homicide's lair, and they iced him. I'm burnt, sweethearts."
"We're... friends of Lorna." I said, leaning in close "We don't care about your past."
Her eyes widened and she lunged forward "You-! Ok, whatever you want, swear to the gods, on the house!" she said quickly "But you have to get a message to her for me!"
"I... um, yeah, we can do that?" Trigger Warning said, confused "What's the message?"
"Tell her I was wrong, my predictions failed. Tell her I need her back, and I'm ok quitting my job forever, my eternal soul be damned. I'll throw it all away for her, I was wrong!"
I bit my lip "Oh, we... ok, yeah, I'll let her know."
I felt awkward and weird hearing that, I didn't really care a lot about Saara and Galorna's relationship, and we'd have to admit we went to her after giving our word to Galorna that we wouldn't, but... the other option was to never get the info at all, and we needed to have a 'real' fight.
"Thank you so, so much..." Saara said, her head dropping to the table "I just- my life has gone to shit without her. I'm not used to fighting scum off myself, I can barely protect myself and collect payments, and- I just- I want her. I need her."
"I'll be sure to tell her that." Trigger Warning said gently "Now, we're looking for information about hiring a heel for a hero fight..."
Saara frowned at us "Wait, that's it? I have the power to see the future and you're asking me about fucking fixed fights?"
"You're actually our only contact in the criminal world..." I admitted
"Well... Shit, yeah, let me make a list. Half the heels in this city have used me at some point, I'll just get you their info off my phone..." she muttered "Still no charge, I'll cover your drinks too, fuck."
"Thank you... I said as she started writing down names and phone numbers on a napkin
"Don't mention it, just... get that message to Lorna, ok?" she said, giving us a look
"I promise, I'll get it to her." Trigger Warning assured her
"Ok... just- I need her back..." Saara mumbled, still writing.
I took a gulp of my beer, no sense letting free beer go to waste after all.
~~~
"Ok, so... we do have the two Illuminous mentioned on here, but we also have a lot of big names..." Trigger warning murmured "Fuck, even Homicide is on this list, wonder how that'd work?"
"I guess she just wrote down all the options, dead or alive..." I said "Either that or it'd just be his goons fighting us."
I heard a shuffling noise and turned to see the cyber tech soldier from before following us down the abandoned street a few dozen feet back. At my movement, they dashed up to us and pulled out a gun, focusing it on my chest. I gasped and froze, my hands shooting up into the air.
"Ok, ok..." they said, growling "No sudden movements, into the alley over there." they jutted a head towards a dark corridor.
"It's fine, just move..." Alele said over coms, side stepping into the darkness. As soon as we were both out of sight of the main road, the figure stepped in after us, blocking the exit with their body.
"What in the ever loving fuck were you two doing in there?!" the figure hissed, lowering their weapon "You could have been killed!"
"We- we were gathering intel?" I said, stepping back
"No, I was gathering intel, you two were contracting a known sorceress!" they whisper yelled "Look, the outfits might work on most people, but honestly, I suddenly get the ability to tell time perfectly without a watch and I can identify every sweet in a twenty foot radius, then two new strangers walk in? I'm not stupid, guys. Why are you pretending to be villains?"
"Wait... Oh shit, Elma? Fem-Butch?" Alele asked
"It's Robo-Grunt in this disguise, I'm undercover, why are you two here?" she asked angrily
"I'm sorry, we're not bad guys!" I said, shaking my hand "We're trying to fight crime outside our section so one of our former leads doesn't kill my family, so we were trying to hire a bad guy to fight us so we looked legit!"
"So much for keeping things close to our chest..." Alele muttered
"You'd know a lot more about that than me, I'm sure." I snapped back angrily
"Excuse me?!" she said, shocked "Was that a chest size jab? Because I'll have you know, for an elf, I'm actually-"
"Shut up!" Elma said, raising her gun again "You said someone was going to kill your family, Candy?"
"Comfit, actually, in this outfit." I corrected her "And yes! She's horrible, she's all wormy and evil and she hired me to fight crime!"
"...Fuck, is she mostly pink and dark grey?" she asked
"That's her!" I said, nodding.
Elma lowered her gun again and shook her head "Fuck... I- yeah, she'll do it, too. I don't know why she has you fighting crime of all things, but fuck..."
"I just want to keep my family safe..." I said
"I never met the evil lady." Alele said "I'm just helping Comfit so she lets me sleep with her."
Elma snapped her head up sharply "What?"
Finally! Someone else saw how inappropriate this behavior wa-
"You haven't slept together yet? It's been over a month since your debut, you're on a team, two teams by the looks of it. The odds of you two having sex in this current team is already 40%, and when you consider your other team-"
"We know quite enough about the statistics, thank you very much..." I cut her off
"...Whatever. I can't believe she got to you guys already, godsdamnit..." Elma grumbled, switching back to the important topic "Is she watching you?"
"I don't know... There's a small, girl-spider-like thing I've seen a couple times in the past week since our first outing as Comfit and Trigger Warning." I said "It might belong to her."
"You named yourself Trigger Warning?" she asked Alele, askance "Why the fuck am I even helping you two..."
"So... you've decided to help us?" Alele asked, hopeful
"I... fuck, whatever. Look, I want to take down that bitch as much as you do." Fem-Butch grumbled "I had to learn how to do taxes because of her. I still write off energy drinks as a deductible, it's fucking part of me now."
"Taxes?" I asked, confused
"That's not important, just- I'll fight you as your first fight. At the park. The good one, with the ducks. Tomorrow afternoon, got it?" she snapped
"Oh, wow, thank you!" I said, beaming at her and trying to figure out how to make my helmet do the same
"It sure is lucky we ran into you..." Trigger Warning said "I was about ready to call BilgeOoze to see if she'd be interested in a fight."
"Lucky? Oh no, nothing about this is lucky." Elma said darkly "This is a set up. We're all playing their fucking game, they send us wherever they want us, they direct us into familiar faces so the audience had recurring characters to look forward to, they play to the crowd, make sure popular team-ups keep happening, push romances that don't belong just because it makes for a good story, and they drop us into each other's hands whenever it's convenient for the plot without thinking of the long term consequences..."
"The... bad guys do that?" I asked, confused "What?"
My head was throbbing and things were getting fuzzy. I had a hard time focusing on what she was saying, but it sounded important...
"The gods." Elma said plainly "I've had my fair share of connections to priests with holy aptitudes, I've seen it firsthand. They're all watching us from up in their intradimensional home like we're a fucking soap opera. It's not luck that made us bump into each other tonight, it's them trying to keep things interesting."
As she spoke, my guts writhed and my brain pulsed angrily. I felt dizzy and off center, and I couldn't feel the ground under my feet. I wanted to say something, but I mostly just felt drunk, too drunk to argue, or even to think about what she was saying. She was... Trying to help us, help my family? I was supposed to fight her, right? Not now, some other time, with the ducks... How did you fight someone with ducks? Did you throw them or use them as clubs? I was missing something, I needed to get home, and fast.
"W-well..." I said, suddenly feeling a chill and an overwhelming urge to eat something sweet "I- I still am happy to have met you, I'll- give Alele- Trigger Warning your number, I'll fight you soon, ok?"
Without waiting for a response, I transformed and blasted into the sky, my wings fluttering behind me, and the world spun. I didn't remember getting home or getting into bed, but the next day, I woke up in my pajamas, missing almost twelve hours... I had another slice of cake and tried not to think about it. I had a fight to prepare for, after all.