I paced the floor of the cafe, my mind racing, was I forgetting anything? Was there anything I needed to do still? I had the food, I had the ice sculpture, the DJ was set up, Lucy had made up mocktails for each of us, Alele was heading up the dance competition later, Drizti had decorated everything... I couldn't help but feel we were missing something, but I knew it was most likely just nerves.
I'd managed to get Elma to agree to come, but unfortunately Gianna was busy and couldn't make it. Genki and the valley nurses hadn't answered my texts, Sera was covering our patrols, and of the Unchosen, only Kiri and Mourner were coming. Amaryllis was staying home to 'babysit' but I wasn't sure who she'd be babysitting, and Mod was on an official GGDS mission up north and wouldn't be back for days. I didn't mind those two being gone, Amaryllis scared me a lot and would put people off the food and Mod wasn't exactly a party animal, but it did mean that aside from the five of us on LA, there were only three other chosen coming. Not exactly a star studded guest list by anyone's measure.
The door dinged and I turned to see Kiri walk in holding a stack of papers and a bag in her hands. She smiled politely and walked over to me holding out the stuff she'd brought.
"Um, here, I know there's a merch table, I wanted to put this stuff on it?" she asked "The papers are flyers for an online talk show we'll be doing every week, and the bag has stickers of our logo and our members we were going to give away, is that ok?"
Uh, yeah the table is over there..." I said, pointing the the booth with shirts, mugs, hats, and more piled on it "Just clear out a corner and put your stuff there."
"Ok, thank you!" she said, and dug in the bag "Would you like some of the stickers?"
She handed me a small stack of glossy stickers, pretty high quality ones too. They were all stylized and somewhat minimalistic, but all four members were easily identifiable, and their logo; a big pink crash logo with "The Unchosen" in flowery spiky letters, actually looked better than our church-designed logo. Even the sticker of Amaryllis was kind of cute, I was surprised.
"Wow, these are really good, did you hire a designer?" I asked, tucking them into my pocket
"Oh, no! We can't afford that, we just had Mourner design them and we paid a printing service to make them." she said "They were pretty cheap, about twenty five for a blessing? We ended up getting fifty blessings worth of each."
"I didn't know Mourner did art..." I said "I'm impressed, do you think she'd do some art like this for us too?"
Our church artists that designed our shirts, posters, and even the ones from the trading card company were very particular about how they did their work, and they made sure it was approved by every tier of the leadership before it went to print. We had final say still, but even if we could request better poses or changes to the overall design, it still came out looking stiff and mild. Mourner's art was... not sloppy, but more alive, less refined or restricted. If the church wouldn't pay her, I think I would, just to have something I could be proud to send to my brothers.
"Uhm..." Kiri looked at me a little funny "...You could ask her? She's not particularly keen on doing commissions most of the time..."
That sounded like a lie as soon as she said it, and I narrowed my eyes "That's not true, you just said you guys commissioned her to do the stickers, what's up with that?"
Kiri winced "Well- she might be up for it, but... maybe get Galorna to ask her about it if that's ok."
I shook my head "What? No, this- I wanted to head this up, why would I get Galorna to do it?"
Kiri rubbed her arm and looked at the ground, her mood shifted to a somber one "Well... Candy, you're kinda... not very popular with most of my team members..."
"I'm trying, I have almost fifteen thousand- wait, your team members?" I asked, blinking. Kiri and Mourner had seemed fine last night on patrol, maybe a little too professional, but... "Why don't they like me?"
Kiri looked mildly scared but pushed through "Because... you're... um, not very polite to some of our members?"
"I- I'm so polite!" I said "I always act polite to everyone, what are you talking about?"
"Last time you went on a patrol with Ryllis you bullied her until she cried!" Kiri said, looking bewildered "How- what do you mean polite?!"
"I wasn't bullying her!" I said "Ask Alele, she was there, I was friendly!"
Kiri sighed "Look, I don't think you know how you come across, so I'm trying not to hold anything against you, plus I know you're under a lot of stress with your power, and the party, and apparently Maud said you're being blackmailed or something, so I want to stay friendly with you, but from what Ryllis said, you didn't even treat her like a person, so everyone else is understandably mad about it."
My shoulders dropped "...Fucking hell, look, I admit it, she freaks me the fuck out, I'm suppressing my fight or flight every time I'm around her, but it's not like I don't know she's a person, she's just scary."
"You have to get over that." Kiri said, setting her items down on the table "She's very insecure as it is, and enough people treat her like a monster without you being mean, you need to make an effort, Candy, please... We're stuck working together indefinitely, we need to get along."
"I thought I was making an effort..." I said, and sat down in a chair "Fuck, I- fuck. I don't even- fuck!"
Why were they making this my problem? She was scary, and she knew it. I was scared of her, and I know that was a little shitty, but that's the normal reaction, how was I supposed to just get over that?
"It's not realistic for me to just be able to 'get over' my fears," I said "she's scary, and I get scared around her, you can't just stop being afraid of something."
"Funny you should say that..." Kiri said "Ryllis has agoraphobia, and she got over her fears."
"Yeah, but like, the concept of 'being outside' isn't actually scary." I said "I get it, it's cool that she can go outside again, but outside isn't going to hurt her, not really."
"Uh, yeah, and Ryllis isn't going to hurt you?" Kiri said "It's the same thing. Look, she got over her fear through exposure. Maud helped her go out of her home a little at a time until she could do it alone, and then she started going in public, then she started going to support groups and stuff by herself, but she had to expose herself to her fear."
"Are you saying I need to expose myself to Ryllis?" I asked
Kiri blushed "Maybe don't say it like that, but yes, if you spend more time around her, you'll get used to her and not be scared."
I sighed "I- I really don't have time for that kind of thing right now, I'm juggling too many pies. I'll see her on patrol, and I'll get used to her that way, is that ok?"
"It's- no, you need to actually make an effort!" Kiri said "She is my friend, and I don't like seeing her afraid of being assigned the same time slot as you, I don't like her checking your schedule to make sure she doesn't bump into you when she goes out of the base, and I don't like seeing her feeling like she's doing something wrong just for existing."
Kiri grabbed my shoulders firmly "The nine of us may not be an official team, but our teams are linked, we have to work together. We'll work something out, we need to."
I shrugged her hands off and stepped back "Fuck, I'll think about it, fine." I muttered "I need to focus on this party though, I have three hours before people show up, and I don't need this shit right now."
"You're the one who pressed the issue, I wasn't going to say anything." Kiri sighed "But yeah, just- think about it later, ok?"
"I already said I would, gods." I said sullenly
I didn't want people to think of me as rude or mean, and I absolutely didn't want to come off as a bully, but... thinking about spending time with Amaryllis for no reason other than to just 'get used to her' made my skin crawl. I felt like they were all judging me entirely unfairly, they didn't know how I felt, they didn't know how hard I tried to be chill around her, I was working hard to be polite, and I absolutely never bullied her, I didn't even know what Kiri was talking about there. As she moved to the other side of the room to help Galorna with the tables, I sat and tried not to think about the mess I was in. I had a party to host, I needed to be on top of everything, I needed to concentrate. I needed a snack... Snacks could wait though, I had work to do.
~~~
I smiled at the young man who walked in "Hi, welcome to the party! Thank you for coming, food is over there, and drinks are over there, have fun!"
He gave me an awkward smile and walked over to the dance floor. The party was in full swing, and while it wasn't as crowded as I'd hoped, I could still call it a success. Forica walked up beside me and punched my arm.
"You don't have to greet everyone who comes in here, you know." she said "We already have Galorna pretending to be a bouncer outside, come on, just enjoy the party."
She pulled me over to where the other chosen I'd invited were sitting and smiled at them "Hi, Angel Rouge said she'd introduce me, I'm Forica!"
I rolled my eyes and waved at the three girls "This is Crystal or Kiri, she's a witch, that's Mourner, she's a dryad like you, but she's crazy strong, and that's Fem-Butch, you know of her, I'm sure."
"Oh, I know of all of them." Forica said with a laugh "I want to actually know them too."
"Well, me and Kiri mostly just hang out in our section, don't get out as much as Maud or Ryllis, but you're more than welcome to say hi if you see us around town." Mourner said
"I will, and maybe get some pics of you?" Forica said, sitting down "I love it when I see dryads getting into the public eye, and I'd love to help normalize our existence."
"Oh, that could be nice!" Kiri said, smiling "Maybe we could do a whole photoshoot of us, normalize Maud and Ryllis too! Candy, you could help coordinate it!"
She gave me a pointed look and I wilted inside. This was her trying to get me to spend more time with Amaryllis. Realistically there was no reason for me to help them in any way, much less set it all up, and I had no intentions of playing her game. I pretended I didn't hear her and willed someone else to talk. The table was quiet for a second before Elma broke the silence.
"Honestly we should be like, starting a 'monster hero' group." she said "Me, Mourner, those other two Unchosen, Galorna, we could do a whole thing where heroes who were formerly considered monsters get together to like, show how we're just people."
"I think we need a better name though, most people aren't ok with the 'monster' label, especially after it took so long for us to get classified as something else..." Mourner said
"No no, see that's what makes it good." Fem-Butch said "We throw it in their faces, push the bigotry at them and force them to confront it, I think it'd be great! I know a chosen orc too I could get to join up, and a faceless, I think we should try it."
"I... do know a woman who'd be all over this." Kiri said "She kinda hates most chosen, but if it was done right, in a sort of 'screw the system' kinda way, she's got connections we'd be able to use."
"I'd absolutely join up! I'll be the photographer and social media manager, it'll be fun!" Forica said with a grin
"I... I'm a human, so I guess I can't join up... I'll just like, support from the sidelines?" I said, shrugging
"Yeah, we'll need people supporting us for sure, even if you're just a human, you can still wave a sign at a rally or something." Mourner agreed
I hid a wince, I hadn't planned on going to rallies, I wanted to just wear a pin or something and list it on my CirNet profile... I did owe Forica a lot though, so... I could make a few appearances. It'd be good for reaching a bigger crowd at least. I glanced over at the cafe, thinking about getting that snack I'd wanted, it'd been hours since I ate, but the line was easily ten people long, I wasn't waiting for all that... Arnie saw me looking and waved, so I waved back, giving him a smile before turning back to the girls.
"So... I guess we make a group chat, then?" Fem-Butch asked "We'll need funds too, I have some money I've saved up, but we won't be able to tap into Downtown Queens funds for this, they're intent on ignoring the fact I'm a half-goblin, and they don't donate to anything except the churches that chose the members."
"Group chat sounds good, yeah!" Forica said "We can do fundraisers too, I know I can build sets for photoshoots for cheap, and we could charge people to take selfies?"
"Speaking of the Queens though..." Mourner said "What about Lady Lunge? She'd be a good addition."
"She's great, yeah," Fem-Butch sighed "But she's as human as Candy or Kiri. Her powers made her all lanky and hard to look at, but under it all she's 'normal'."
"That sucks..." I said, watching a new group of people come in the door. This group was all dressed in plain clothes, t-shirts, jackets, jeans, ball caps, no chosen merch at all. I rolled my eyes but really, any guests were good guests, even if they didn't actually care about Lorgiaia's Angels. Fem-Butch frowned at them and glanced at me.
"I think those guys are undercover GGDS agents..." she said quietly "I just got a whole set of interrogation and combat skills..."
"Oh, shit, is that going to be ok?" Mourner asked, glancing at them as they spread out into the crowd
"It's fine." I said "We're not serving anything alcoholic, just mocktails, and we're way under the occupancy limit for the space, let them do what they want."
"...Alright, I guess..." Mourner said "Hey, I gotta go, not because of the fuzz, but because I need to get home for my patrol tonight, I'll see you guys later, ok?"
"Yeah, I'll add you to the group chat on CirNet, let's get this thing worked out!" Forica said, smiling
"I'll head out too." Kiri said "Ryllis is babysitting for a friend, and the kid can be a handful. I want to make sure they're doing ok. Thank you for having us!"
"Oh, oh, group photo, please?" Forica said, pulling out her phone
We all crowded in together and she snapped the pic, posting it with the location tagged. "There! That should help get some more people in here!"
"Let's hope so." I said "I don't know what we'll do if all the sandwiches are still here tomorrow..."
As the Unchosen left, Lucy and Drizti walked up, Driz floating up to be level with everyone else as she approached.
"Hi, guys!" she said with a grin "I've been dancing so much in preparation for the contest later, it's a lot of fun! I got so many silly pics for my CirNet account too, it's great!"
"I've been trying to scope out potential leads for our fanclub..." Lucy said "I don't think anyone here has the level of fanaticism I'm looking for from a fanclub president though."
"That'll come with time, it's not something that pops up overnight. You have to nurture the fanatics, feed them, coax them into your universe..." Forica said "You'll get there though."
Lucy looked at Forica and narrowed her eyes "Hey... you happen to be running two of LA's social media pages, and you know more about us than anyone..."
Forica raised an eyebrow and laughed "Bitch you couldn't afford me to run a fanclub. I'm thinking, like, sixty blessings an hour, forty hours a week, whether I work or not."
Lucy winced "Ah, ew, no. It's a volunteer position."
"That position needs to be paid, no matter who's doing it." Forica said firmly
"Well, whatever position it is, I've almost certainly done it for free." Alele said, walking up behind me
"You've run a fan club for free?" Fem-Butch asked, raising an eyebrow
"...I think I misunderstood the context, never mind." Alele said
"Hi Angel Cobalt, I haven't seen you much tonight, where have you been?" I asked
"Oh, you know, flirting up the DJ, dancing, normal stuff." she said flippantly
"Ooooh, did you talk with Angel Rouge before you flirted with him?" Drizti said teasingly "I hear you're supposed to get permission from your girlfriend before adding a new partner!"
"We're not- but- I..." I looked for the right words and sighed. It was time to bite the bullet. "There's no reason to flirt with some washed up DJ, Angel Cobalt, I'm right here, want to go dance with me?"
She stared at me and her mouth dropped open slightly as the other girls 'oooh-ed' at us. She blinked, and grinned widely, clasping her hands together.
"Y-yeah! I uh, wow, um, I'd love to dance with y-"
As she responded, a black metal rod hit her in the side of the head, sending her to the floor in a heap. I screamed, and Fem-Butch lunged forward, pulling out her baton, but she was hit by a taser in the neck, and stumbled to the ground. I took a step back and felt an arm go around my neck, tightening against my throat, and I felt a cold metal tube press into my temple. I flashed back to my first night out, the stand-off in Homicide's office. I felt my heart rate go up, my breathing choppy and fast, my vision blurry and I tried to keep my face away from my attacker's neck. I wouldn't do it again, I wouldn't condemn someone to a life of being locked in a fridge, not here, and certainly not in front of all these people. Several in the crowd had their phones out as the rest panicked and made for the emergency exits and all I could think of was how I looked, held hostage, pathetic and weak, unable to move.
Fem-Butch was on her knees, a gun at her head, Driz was being held by the neck, and Lucy was pinned to the ground by three people. The undercover agents, or- I guessed they weren't undercover anything, they were some kind of villains, weren't they?- were sweeping the crowd, letting most of them escape, but making sure the ones who were recording were staying behind. My head felt numb, and I lost myself for a moment. I felt the warmth of the man behind me and I was vaguely scared, but somehow I couldn't remember why.
I felt out of it, I could just barely see the party going on to my right, the people laughing and dancing- or... no, they were screaming and running away, weren't they? I should be... doing something, but even Drizti couldn't save me if I got shot in the head and my safety line, Angel Cobalt, was laying on the ground with blood trickling from her temple. Would I have to make skin contact and fold this guy? It wouldn't help the others, I couldn't fight all of them myself, unless I could eat him fast enough...
I shuddered, I couldn't even think about that, I couldn't consider it. The front doors burst open and Galorna came flying in, sliding and knocking into the receptionist's desk, bleeding from her eyes and nose. I noticed absently that the top of her right horn had chipped off, and I wondered if it hurt. She groaned, and tried to get up, but was hit by a loud, shrieking blast of orange energy that made her writhe and cry out, her hands clawing at nothing as she twitched. A tall man in a black and orange cloak walked in through the smashed and destroyed set of doors and spun to face us, some kind of super science gun in his hand, presumably the one that had disabled Galorna.
"I am The MasterMinder!" he shouted, his domino mask and helmet askew slightly "I am here to take my rightful place as the head villain in Valley City!"
"Dude, I've never even heard of you, what the fuck are you talking about?" Fem-Butch asked, glaring at him
"This is my debut!" he said, just as loud and dramatically "Once I overthrow the team that took down Homicide, I'll be the new leader of crime in all of Valley City!"
"That's not how that works, you have to actually build a criminal empire, guy." Fem-Butch said
"It is not 'guy', it is... The MasterMinder!" he yelled, waving his gun
"That sounds fucking stupid though, and how did you even know we took out Homicide? That was like, a secret." Lucy said, craning her neck to see him from her position on the floor
"I masterminded a GGDS officer and looked at the files." he said simply "It was easy, and now, I'll plaster my win all over the news and become a household name! In! Villainy!"
"So you're like, a fallen?" Drizti asked, her voice croaking around the hand on her throat "I haven't heard of any chosen that can mind control people, that's like, really bad, right?"
"I'm no fallen chosen, I built my mastermindery out of my own mental fortitude!" he crowed, turning his back dramatically
"So is it the hats?" Fem-Butch asked "The ball caps? That's how you got these GGDS agents on your side, magic ball caps?"
The Masterminder turned slightly and frowned "What? No, it's chips, chips in their brains, I'm going to put chips in all of your-"
Forica lunged at him from his blind spot, tackling him to the ground and rolling on top of him, he squawked and pushed at her, trying to get her off of him.
"Now, fight back, now!" Forica yelled at us, punching him in the face
Fem-Butch rolled to the side, the gun going off but missing her as she swept the legs out from under the guy above her. She tackled him and started hitting him as Lucy flared her wings, flickering out of reality and popping back in next to the agents that had been pinning her down, kidney punching one then flickering away to attack again. Drizti grabbed the person holding her's arm and pulled it down, they fired, a bullet tearing into her stomach and out her back. She screamed, but summoned her bar, sending the wound to them almost instantly. As they staggered and fell, she made three more bars, tightening them around their neck, choking the air out of them and holding them down.
I couldn't move, I could feel the gun on my head, the breath of the man holding me, his skin was so, so close to mine... He was yelling something and shaking me at my friends, but I didn't understand what he wanted. I was going to be shot, I was going to be killed, I had to do something, but- I couldn't just do that to a person, he wasn't even in control of his own actions, he was being controlled, it'd be like killing an innocent man in cold blood, but my friends were all fighting, and I needed to help, I had to, but I still couldn't bring myself to fold him.
Forica was finally shoved off The MasterMinder and rolled to a stop by my feet. She got up quickly, and locked eyes with me, and I saw her fear, her determination, and I knew I needed to act now, but I still couldn't move. She snapped her hand out, grabbing the guy's gun and yanking it away from him and backing up. The man reached for her and I finally moved, elbowing him in the ribs, feeling them crack and snap. He screamed and doubled over, and I pulled away moving towards Forica to get her to safety. I saw The MasterMinder behind her on the ground, twisting his gun and lifting it to aim at us, and I froze, panic setting in again. Forica saw me freeze, and turned to watch as The MasterMinder pulled the trigger, a wave of orange rippling through the air, catching Forica in the head and chest.
Her eyes widened and her mouth opened in a soundless scream, quieter than the shrieking noise of the gun, and her whole body vibrated under the blast. I saw her face crack, and her branches twisted violently, and then her upper half was replaced by a mist of pulp, splinters, and sap. I felt her remains splash across me, and I choked, my breath coming out in bubbles, vomit threatening to come up as I watched her limbs and leaves fall to the ground in a puddle of her, and my mind spun.
I didn't remember getting there, but I found myself on top of The MasterMinder, my fists pummeling his face, feeling his skin split and his teeth shatter under my blows. At some point my gloves split open on the shards of his teeth, and with every punch I got a wave of flavor from him; sour apple. I smiled to myself in a haze, I'd expected it to be dark chocolate oranges for some reason.
Eventually, I was shoved off his limp form, and I lie there, staring at the ceiling as my team mates ran back and forth around me. I didn't know how they could be so active, I could barely remember where I was, why did they all look so scared? Why was the pretty one being taken away on a stretcher? I laughed and reached out, clasping someone's limp hand next to me. It felt nice, it wasn't triggering my power at all, and whoever they were they had taken great care to keep their wood smooth and dry. I'd have to compliment them on it whenever I stopped spinning.
~~~
I woke up the next morning on the couch in the common room. The shutters were all closed, and I was un-transformed in different clothes than I'd been wearing the night before. I sat up and winced as I moved my hands. They were bare, my gloves were gone, and my hands were wrapped up in bloody bandages and throbbed when I tried to move them. I got up carefully, and looked around the room, it was late, later than I'd expected, where was everyone? Why hadn't I gone to bed last night? I looked at my hands again and the hazy memories of what had happened trickled back in. The party, the attack, Alele getting knocked out, Forica-
I gasped and dropped back onto the couch, a cold wave going over me, fuck, Forica... She'd been...
I felt nauseous and pulled out my phone to make sure it hadn't been a sick dream, the bandages pulling on my jeans and making me wince. I went to her page and checked, the last update was the selfie she'd taken with me and my guests last night, nothing new in almost 12 hours... It wasn't a dream, she never waited that long between posts, she never had, the whole time I knew her. I didn't know how dryads worked, but most of her body was- there was no way she was ok after that, there was almost nothing left. I sobbed and grabbed my shoulders, I'd been right there, I'd been a foot away from her, I could have done something, anything, literally anything but stand there and watch it all happen, why was I so fucking useless?
I paced back and forth on the rug for a few minutes, crying into my hands, then made my way to the meeting room. I needed to feel like I was doing something, and this was all I could think of. I knew there'd be a big meeting about this, more than likely several, and I'd be interrogated by the GGDS, and... I could barely get my thoughts straight concerning this whole mess, last night was still a blur, and I couldn't quite put together a timeline in my head. I slipped into my chair at the meeting room table and tapped at the screen absently, there were no new work notifications, the last one was from earlier in the week when Galorna gave us our schedules.
The far doors slid open and I jumped, turning to see Oori and Debbie walk out of the elevator that went straight down to the office level, not paying attention to me.
"I'm telling you, these girls need time, putting them out there now will just hurt their ability to process what happened!" Oori said firmly
"We need a press conference, Oori," Debbie snapped "there's videos going around, videos that make the girls look very bad, we have to- oh, C-Candy, I see you're awake..."
Oori glanced over at me and his face and shoulders drooped "Oh, Candy... I... I was hoping you'd be able to get more rest..."
"I'm rested, I just- I'm having trouble remembering everything from last night..." I said
"You were... not doing well." he said, taking a seat across from me "Do you remember what happened to Forica?"
I nodded, my eyes filling with tears again "Y-yeah, I-I let her die..."
Oori shook his head "It's not your fault, we think you were having a flashback, no one blames you for her death."
So she was dead, for sure... I knew it, I did, but hearing it said... I burst into sobs, dropping my head to the table "I blame me..." I said, my voice cracking "If I'd just used my stupid fucking power, she'd be alive..."
"No!" Debbie said "If you'd used your power, we'd be dealing with a lot more of a clusterfuck than we already are, gods."
"I- I just stood there..." I said, shaking my head. I sniffled and looked up at them, my vision blurry "I just stood there and let it all happen, I could have at least tried..."
"You did plenty." Oori said "The MasterMinder is in the hospital right now, he's missing most of his jaw and has a crushed larynx. His whole skull has serious fractures, and the only reason he's alive is because of his helmet blocking blows to his brain region, you stopped from hurting anyone else."
"S-so I almost killed him too?!" I asked, looking at my bloody hands with horror
"Honestly, it might have been better if you had..." Debbie said, rolling her eyes "If he was dead, it can be brushed off as an accident, but he's going to be mutilated for the rest of his life, every time anyone sees him, they'll think of us doing that to them."
"I-I didn't mean to mutilate him!" I said, feeling my heart pound more and more quickly "I just- I don't even remember getting on top of him!"
"Debbie, you're not helping..." Oori sighed "Candy, we want you to know that no one blames you for anything, we're going to fix this, and it'll all work out ok, you have nothing to worry about."
"It won't be ok though..." I said "Forica is dead, and there's nothing that can fix that..."
Oori let out a slow, soft breath "I... I know it's hard to lose someone in the field. What helped me when I lost my first team mate was going to see the people who are still around. If you want, I can get a van ready and we can go to the hospital to see Alele? I heard she woke up an hour ago."
I hugged myself tighter, I couldn't think about all this stuff right now, I was too full of... everything. Talking to Alele sounded nice though, she always made me feel happy, and maybe we could talk about stuff that took my mind off of... what happened. I nodded, and Oori stood up, pulling his phone out.
"Ok, I'll call the van. If you could put on something with long sleeves and a hood for me, and some..." he looked at my bandaged hands "...mittens?"
I nodded again, and slid out of my seat to go get bundled up. It still felt like I was in a fake reality, like I'd wake up or snap back to a different universe where everything was ok, but that never happened. Eventually, I found myself in the back of a van going down the road. A flash of Forica's remains surrounded by tape and agents let me know I'd walked through the lobby to get to the van, but I couldn't remember actually doing it. I focused on regulating my breathing, I'd see Alele soon, she always knew how to make me happy.
~~~
I stepped into her hospital room slowly, Drizti was already there, perched on the bed by her side. They turned to look at me when I walked in, and Alele gave a half wave. I made my way around to the far side of the bed and pulled up a chair, not saying anything as the two of them watched me.
"I... was just asking Alele if she wanted me to try sending her concussion to another patient here, if we could get someone to volunteer, we could..." Drizti trailed off
"I'll put up with it, I'm not giving anyone else my injuries unless they're a bad guy." Alele said quietly
I looked at her, without makeup for the first time since I'd met her, her head wrapped in white, a gown instead of her trendy elven clothes, and I felt my heart twinge, she was natural, her guard down, not performing or putting on an act. This was the kind of thing you're supposed to see because someone trusted you enough to be in their private spaces, not because... I swallowed and licked my lips.
"H-how bad is it?" I asked her, looking at the red stain on her bandages
"It's bad enough, nothing permanent, but they said I'll need to take it easy for a while." she said "Might get headaches for a bit after..."
She rubbed her head "Honestly though, I need to be more aware, anyone with half a brain knows to go after the support classes first, I had my guard all the way down."
"We all did, it's not your fault." Drizti said, patting her
"I- we- I should have been paying more attention, I should have been ready to move as soon as there was trouble..." I said, tears welling up again.
This wasn't going well, it was just making me feel like shit for letting this happen to Alele, for not doing anything, for- I willed the noises to stop, but they just faded to a dull thrum instead. I took a breath and looked up at Alele, I might as well talk about it, if I wasn't going to feel any better anyway.
"Did you hear about Forica?" I asked, pushing the words out of my throat
She shuddered, and nodded "I... heard. They told me it was bad... Lucy said they had to hose you down to get her pulp off of you, and it took two people to get you to let go of her hand..."
I didn't remember being hosed down, but it'd explain why I was wearing different clothes than I had been. My mind flickered to the stickers I'd gotten from Kiri and I hoped someone'd taken them out of my pockets. Then I felt guilt for thinking about stickers at a time like this, why would I care about stickers? Someone had died. I sat there in silence for a few minutes, thinking about my life and what kind of person I was, then I stood up.
"I need to go lie down." I said "I can't think straight, there's something wrong with me, I can barely function..."
"Well..." Alele said "If you're careful, I can scoot over? This bed is big enough for two, as long as you stay over the covers and put your hood up."
I looked at her, and Drizti looked back and forth between us before standing and floating out of the room without a word. I waited on her to close the door behind her and looked down at myself.
"I- I'd really just be laying there, no cuddling or anything, I just need to be still and not exist for a while." I said
"That sounds perfect, just what my doctor ordered me to do too, we can be recovery buddies, ok?" Alele said, her voice soft
I didn't respond, but I put my hood up and lay on her bed beside her, my head at her shoulder. Her arm snaked around me and held me to her side as she lay back against the headrest. I felt her beside me, the thrum of life coursing through her and wondered if she'd be so kind if she'd been awake for the attack, if she'd seen me lock up and not move as my friend, someone who was practically a child, was vaporized in front of me. I wondered if she'd change her stance towards me when she saw the footage of the attack. I wondered if it was selfish of me to lie here, enjoying her, knowing she'd see me as a coward and a bad person once she had all the information. I couldn't bring myself to move away though, so I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the flashes of wood pulp and flashes of gunfire that filled my head.