I groaned and slumped against the side of the building, my head pounding. I had not gotten enough sleep for this. I took a breath and shoved a gummy into my helmet, chewing it quickly and feeling the rush wash over me, I wasn't about to let this half-pint bitch show me up... I stepped out of the alleyway and dashed, my flats pounding the pavement as I charged the mech, the glass dome on top shining in the sun as the grinning, laughing, frustrating inhabitant spun to face me. The squat legs and high-shouldered arms on the mech made it look like it was hunched over somehow, and one of the arms- the left one, I had to remember which was which in case she brought out a second weapon again- flipped back and something like a gatling gun popped out from underneath it. The shrill, annoying voice of the pilot screeched out from the PA system in the mech's chest, jarring me from my concentration as I ran forward.
"Wanna see mah new gun? Is got de verdy goot aim tis time! Not gonna miss anybodies anymores!" her excited voice blared
"Just. Stop. Shooting me with stuff!" I yelled, punching the mech's chest before the other hand swatted me away
The gun spun up and I tensed, what would it be this time? Yesterday it'd been fish and chowder, the day before, tomatoes. The day before that, she'd made a 'laser' that shot the flavor of an undercooked egg, this could be anything... I braced myself for the onslaught and wished Alele was here to help, she'd been the only thing that stopped me from being slimed with room temperature sea bass last fight. I threw up my hands to block the shot, and was rewarded with a painful thud of something metal hitting my arm.
"Is to shoot the stuffs, then de stuffs does to hits ju too!" she cackled as more metal slugs hit me
Did she make a real weapon this time? Whatever was pelting me didn't hurt per say, but it'd chip a tooth if I wasn't careful. I peeked around my arm to see what was being launched, and doubled over as one of them rocketed off the ground where it'd fallen and smacked me in the gut. I felt a spray of fluid, and I flailed, trying to get it off of me quickly. I hadn't taken Gemia as the type to use chemical weapons, but what else could it be? One of the metal slugs shot towards me and I snatched it out of the air before it made impact, looking at the casing to see if it said what kind of chemical was in-
Wait.
The can exploded, spraying me once again with a rain of soda, as the other soda cans around my feet also burst open and started pelting me again, bouncing off my legs and torso as the shaken-up contents popped the seals and turned them into projectiles. Somehow, they all managed to hit me a second time, and I was left in a puddle of sticky brown sugar water, dripping and angry.
"You made- you made homing soda cans?!" I yelled incredulously
"Ya Ya!" Gemia clapped "Soda is yummy, is a nice treats for de peoples to hav when I bops dem!"
"Just- for the love of Lorgiaia, we're just trying to get you to a safe house!" I shouted, charging and shoving the mech forward
"Is not to want to be safe!" Gemia said, pushing back and knocking me over "Is want to do de fun tings and to be free!"
I got under the round front of the mech and lifted. It was a lot heavier than it looked, and I stumbled, throwing her off her balance.
"If you keep being this 'free', they'll send Lady Guillotine after you and she'll chop your robot in half, just come... with... me!" I hooked my leg around the knee of the mech and twisting
Gemia's machine dropped to one knee and she wrenched at her levers, smacking the controls to get it to stand back up "No! Ju is de one who is to smach my preddy babie!" she said
"I'm not trying to smash anything, I just want to fucking talk..." I growled. The boost from the gummy was almost gone and I was starting to drag again
"Ju is to do a goot job at talking and smaching too, I tink." she said, twisting a long handle in the cockpit.
The mech turned, the legs planted firmly on the ground, the upper half slowly rotating. The gun hand clicked back into a regular hand and both arms grabbed me, holding me to the upper body as it spun quicker and quicker. I was pressed against the domed glass of the cockpit, and Gemia's bright red goggles reflected my helmet through the glass. She grinned even as the spinning pressure forced her back into her seat, and reached out against the g-forces to poke a button on her dash with a sharp metal finger. I heard a click, and I clenched my jaw, waiting for the impact.
The mech's arms opened up and I went flying, slamming into the brick wall hard, my hemet clacking and bouncing forward with the impact. I dropped to the ground and gasped for air, arching my now-bruised back in pain. If I hadn't still had the last bits of the gummy in my system, I might have broken something, or worse... A heavy stomping noise made me roll onto my back and look up at Gemia towering over me in her robot. It was only about eight feet tall or so, but it was a lot more intimidating when it was standing a foot from my head...
"Is ju hokay?" she asked, tilting her head "Is not try to smach ju, but maybe ju is not so stronk as I tink..."
"I... just... want... uuugh..." I moaned "You don't have to keep fighting, there's a place that will protect you, and they don't even care if you do your science there, you'd be free, as long as you're quiet..."
"Quiet? Ju aks a wilds gobling to be quiet?" she laughed "I tink is maybe not the goot place for me."
"I'm just tired of chasing down a mech every day only to get attacked with soda or the sensation of eggs or whatever, I've got a job to do, will you please let me bring you there?" I pleaded with her
The dome slid open and she hopped out, her stained white leather lab-coat draped over her like a misshapen dress, the hem flapping around her knees. I looked up at her and tried not to grimace. I didn't know why so many super scientists dressed like that, the white coats with the rows of buttons, the big boots, the goggles, but it usually made them look tall and intimidating. With Gemia, however, it just made her look like she was stumpy and small. Her sleeves were too wide and swallowed her hands, her goggles were too big for her head and had slid down until her forehead looked bigger than it was, her collar was too big and was slightly off center, her tummy poked out the front of the jacket making the buttons uneven, and her jeans were bunched up over her chunky boots, the construction kind too, not the black leather kind most scientists wore.
All in all, out of the mech, she looked like someone cosplaying as a super scientist, using only stuff they found at their local thrift shop. She rubbed her poorly-cared for hair with one metal claw and extended the other down to me with a grin, the metal limb clicking as she tried to help me up. I took the offered hand, and hauled myself to my feet, glaring down at the green troublemaker. She was only waist high, how was she such a pain? I looked around at the street, littered with cans of discount soda and sticky, and then down at myself, also sticky, and groaned.
"You wrecked the whole street, look, who's going to clean this up?" I asked her
"Umm... Dis street was... ah, too tirteen, so, I tink is Creamy?" she said, frowning and looking around
"Creamy isn't going to clean this up, she's a chosen, not a street cleaner." I said "You can't make me keep chasing you like this, we've had fights in four different sections in as many days..."
"I likes to mov aroun tho." Gemia said "I gets de goot stuffs for mah toys dat way."
"I'm not supposed to really be fighting people outside of my section- and I don't even have a section, you're going to get me in trouble if you keep drawing attention to me like this." I told her
Gemia looked past me in the alley and waved "Der is Creamy now, hey! Creamy! Does ju care ifs she fights me here sometime?"
I turned to see Creamy, section 213's main hero, standing in the alley, looking annoyed, her flowing outfit in her hands to keep the ends off the ground. "Hey, uh, don't come in my section at all, Gemia." she said "Seriously, I wear all white, and you only fight with food."
"But... foods is funny!~" Gemia smiled "Is not to hurts peoples, jus to be... splat! A mess."
"It hurts my cleaning bill." I said, agreeing with Creamy "See these soda stains? I'll have to get a new bodysuit now, you've ruined it. And my leotard will have to go back to the shop to be cleaned, it's a pain."
"Would ju rader me to use der buulets?" she asked, frowning
"No, just- stop trying to cause problems!" I yelled
"Yeah, and seriously, get out of my section." Creamy said, flying up beside me "We're what, a mile from 247? Maybe two? You're friends with those weirdos, right?"
It took me a moment to realize she was talking to me "Oh, them? Why do you say that?" I asked nervously
"You're always at those stupid protests with 'em." she said, fluffing the pile of white curls on her head "I keep up to date on all the heroes around here, my point is, no one gives a shit about 247, go do your fights there, 'aight?"
"The- uh, the people there might not like it if I brought trouble to their area..." More like I just didn't want anyone putting two and two together...
"If they don't like it, they can just tell the scary lady that Gemia's a heathen and the problem will solve itself." Creamy said, lifting into the air and floating over to the mess on the road "Now for fuck's sake, leave, I have to call the city to do clean up now..."
"Ah well, is a goot fight, but is over. Ju is not hurt?" Gemia asked me as she climbed into her cockpit again
"No, I'm fine, stop, here..." I grabbed her by the shoulder "Just come with me, ok?"
"Hey watch it!" Creamy called to me, pulling her phone down and putting it to her chest "She might be a butt, but she won the fight. Lay off, or I'll kick your ass."
"I'm not- no, ugh..." I muttered, letting go
"Is hokey, we can fights again on the morrow!~" Gemia smiled at me "I will see ju at der too fordy seven!"
"No, not 247, can we meet in the park? The good one, with the ducks?" I begged her
"Ah, no!" she squeaked "I is not want to hurt de ducks! Here, dis for ju, I see ju tomorrow!"
She handed me a can of soda and her dome flipped down, sealing her in. She gave me a salute, and stomped away, her mech wiggling its butt in a dance as she left.
"Good luck, you mentioned you wanted to get her to a safe house?" Creamy asked me, floating over
"Huh? Oh, yeah. She's not a real threat or anything, I just- she needs to be off the streets, not in jail, just not doing... this shit." I waved a hand at the road
"Not gonna lie, I saw her come in and start rooting through the trash like an hour before you got here." Creamy said "I saw that video of you and the tomatoes a couple days ago though, and I was not about to deal with that."
"Thanks for this, then..." I grumbled, waving at my still-dripping costume "Listen, I gotta go give the people in 247 a heads up, sorry about the mess."
"Whatever, my costume didn't get stained, that's the important part." she said, waving me away.
I turned and had to manually stop myself from transforming. Two miles would be a minute, maybe less, if I was flying. Walking, it'd be thirty minutes at least. Maybe I did need to get a motorcycle, people assumed I had one because of the helmet after all. I made a note to check into learning how to ride one, and set off for home to change. I'd need to get the leotard cleaned tonight while I was on patrol as Angel Rouge, and I'd need to pick up a fresh bodysuit or two from Milton's Handmades in the morning, hopefully before Gemia showed up in my section tomorrow.
"Damn, soda missiles?" Ravel asked, dropping off a rooftop onto my helmet as I turned the corner from Creamy "That's a pretty... sticky situation..."
She laughed and tapped her metal spider legs on my visor, halfway between lighthearted and purposefully annoying. I sighed and shook my head, I needed a vacation, I was so fed up with all this...
~~~
"Are you sure I can't just blow off the patrol to stay home with you?" I whined, pulling on Alele's hand
"We just got our shifts cut by a third, Candy. It'd be suspicious if you take time off now, and Sera and Kiri have both covered for you this past week already." she said
"I've been going out every fucking day as Comfit though." I complained "I've been running double shifts and going to protests constantly, and we're hardly ever on the same schedule..."
"Babygirl, I get it, I miss you too..." Alele said, squeezing my hand "Tomorrow night we should both be off, you can skip your meeting with the VCAC as Angel Rouge, and we can go on a date, sound good?"
"I- I didn't want to skip the charity events, I've barely gotten back up into five digits on CirNet..."
"Hey, you're catching up to me then!" she teased "But no, seriously, they can get someone else to act as a bouncer, you're not even an abomination."
"I'm not a 'bouncer', I'm there to ensure the safety of the people at the meeting." I said "People have been protesting the support group..."
"That does kinda sound like a bouncer though?" Ravel said, climbing up on my counter
"Oh for- gods, do you ever leave?!" I snapped at her
"No, where would I go?" she asked, shrugging
"The safe house! It's like, right there, gods..." I said, shaking my head "Go hang out with Tipsy, they seem lonely."
"Don't take it out on Ravel, she hasn't done anything wrong." Alele frowned at me
Alele didn't know the half of it... Ravel had been bothering me to 'help' her every second I've had down time for a week now, and it was getting old. Even when I was off, she had me looking up what super scientists had studied inter-dimensional travel or visiting electronics shows or putting out ads asking for 'off-worlders' to contact us in the local papers. So far we'd gotten exactly three messages from the ads; one was the GGDS, who left us alone once they realized it was just me, a guy asking if we were off-worlders, and if so could he interview us, and the last was a long audio message made up of beeps and dial tones. I had no idea how to get Ravel home, and it was getting frustrating to have her constantly around me, knowing she could just expose my secret at any time if I didn't at least pretend to try and help her.
"Tell you what, Candy." Ravel said "I'll stay here and play video games while you go on your date tomorrow, sound good?"
"I'm offended that you were originally planning on following me to the date in the first place." I said "I just want everything to stop."
"It'll slow down, once we get the press on our side," Alele comforted me "once you get Angel Rouge and Comfit both up to a popular level, and of course, once we earn sporadic patrols instead on semi-constant ones."
"I honesty was surprised they didn't just give us sporadic patrols at this weekend's review." I complained "We have good response times and stuff, fuck, Kurk is on sporadic patrols..."
"Kurk is a loser with an uninhabited shithole for a section, and he's the only one there. He literally can't do constant patrols, and semi-constant ones would still be a strain. We at least have some shops and restaurants open here to protect."
"I thought a hero's job was to look good, to be pretty, and to be present enough in an area to stop people from trying things." I complained "That's like, maybe a fourth of my workload right now."
"So do something about it." Alele sighed "Gods, cut back on the volunteer stuff and stop going to as many marches, you don't even believe in that stuff anyway."
"I do too!" I protested "I believe in rights for monsters and abominations and stuff, and I can even see what Chrissie means when she talks about Chosen having too much political power, she's taking it too far I think, but I understand what she means..."
"I think Alele means that you don't actually care enough to protest or stuff by yourself, you're only doing it because it's helping you get publicity." Ravel pointed out
"No, I mean, like, I don't know, what does it matter?" I asked "If I drop out of the public eye as a protester now, everyone will think I was just doing it to get attention."
"You mean they'll call you out on only doing it for attention." Ravel said "I think you should stop doing the protest stuff anyway, you've got more important things to worry about, like getting me home."
"Ravel, your rights are on the line too, you know." Alele said "When she's out there 'getting attention', it's technically helping you earn your rights as an inhuman, or whatever you are. You get that, right?"
"I'm not planning to stay long enough for that to mean anything." she shrugged, climbing up onto my shoulder "If she can find me a super scientist by the end of the month like we agreed, I'll be back home in time for Christmas, if not..."
She poked me meaningfully, reminding me of our 'deal'.
"What's 'Chrissmass'?" Alele asked "Whatever, Candy, I just think you need to step back from the optional stuff. I know you can't step back from being Comfit, and it's a bad idea to step back as Angel Rouge, so that leaves the only other option."
She sighed "Babygirl, you look like shit whenever you're not transformed, you have rings around your eyes, you're still bruised from fights that happened days ago, and you're losing muscle. I'm worried about you, we all are. Drizti needs you, you're the only one she really relaxes around, if you're a mess, then she'll be a mess, then the heart of the team is gone, and-"
She let out a slow breath "...You're going to ask Ryllis to cover for the meeting for our date, we'll have a lovely patrol the next morning, and skip the rally about getting goblins post-humorous medals for their service in the Great War so we can stay here and get quality time."
"Oh- no, I can't skip that, Elma's great-grandfather-"
"-is dead." Alele said "And Fem-Butch can fight for him herself. You need a day off, ok? Even if it's broken up with a patrol, I'll be there with you, and I'm buying you donuts, so it's a date, not work."
"If you give me your login, I can use your computer to poke around the GGDS database myself too, I'll leave you alone until I finish going through what I need to find." Ravel said "Honestly, you really do look bad. You need to chill."
"It's not my fault, I'm using eye masks and stuff..." I grumbled "It's just- I get less than five hours of sleep most nights..."
"Did Gemia say when she'd be here tomorrow?" Alele asked "Your patrol ends at ten, you might get to sleep in and get a full eight."
"No, she just said she'd see me here tomorrow." I sighed "And I need to run errands first, I'll have to pick up my leotard and new bodysuits before she shows up, which could be early, so I need to be up even earlier."
"That's rough, but maybe she'll be here early and you can rest before our date?" Alele said hopefully "For now though, not to be rude, but you were supposed to meet Lucy and Ryllis in front of the Unchosen HQ three minutes ago."
"I- fuck!" I said "I haven't even gotten my snacks ready, why didn't you tell me!?"
"I wanted to talk this out with you, it's important!" she said "Here, you do what you need to, Ravel and I will put some treats in a bag for you."
I groaned and ran to the bathroom to transform, make sure my pockets had what I needed, and to pee before I left. I had responsibilities, damnit, I couldn't just blow them off like she wanted me to. Alele of all people should know that. I splashed my face with water and looked at my reflection. Transformed like I was now my face was clear and smooth, no eye bags, no red spots, no gaunt look... Maybe Lucy had the right idea; just never let anyone see you un-transformed and they won't know how you're doing. That's an option, right? I should ask her for tips about extending my mana pool while we patrolled tonight. I checked to make sure I had my stuff, gum, phone, earbuds, money... gun... I was ready. I stepped back out into the living room, just nine more hours until I could sleep, just nine more hours...
~~~
"Say what you will, Ryllis, but at least she's been getting better about-"
I landed behind Angel Sable with a thud, and closed my wings. "Say what about who?" I asked as Ravel climbed into position under my feathers and curled up
Lucy flinched and eyed me for a moment. "You, you're late."
"I know, I know, I had a discussion with Cobalt and it went long." I sighed
"Is everything alright?" Ryllis asked, tilting her head "I don't have much experience with relationships, but I can try and help if you like."
"It's fine, she just thinks I've been working too much." I said, shaking my head "It's whatever. I was going to ask though, are you going to the VCAC meeting tomorrow night?"
"Yes, I'll be there, why?"
"I signed up to be the security for the event, and Alele asked me to cancel so we could have a night together, could you...?"
"I can cover, yes." she said "You do ask for a lot of people to cover for you though, they'll ask you to return the favor someday you know."
"I have a list of all the times you've asked one of Lorgiaia's Angels to cover for you." Lucy said "So far Driz has covered for you the most, at four times total."
"There's a lot on my plate, I need the help..." I said, shifting my bag from one hand to the other
"There's a lot on everyone's plate right now, Angel Rouge." Ryllis said, walking down the street and waving for us to follow "Angel Verdant is trying to manage her creepy social media fans with no one to help her now, Crystal is trying to run the safe house while Chrissie is busy with other activist stuff and being a mom, I'm dealing with active prejudice and hate online for being scary, and I'm pretty sure Sera has a trial coming up for one of the people she killed, we're all busy."
"I mean, Rouge does have the whole, two identities thing, and the blackmail. I'd be stressed too." Lucy shrugged
"Sable!" I yelped "Shut up about that!"
"Two identities?" Ryllis asked "Maud told me you'd been blackmailed, but I didn't know you had another identity. Your secret is safe with me, though."
"Wait- what does Maud know about the blackmail?" Ravel asked, her head popping up out of my wings "What's the point of blackmail if everyone knows about it?"
"Different blackmail..." I said "The first is blackmail forcing me to have two identities, then the second blackmail about me having two identities..."
"Someone else is blackmailing you too?" Lucy asked, frowning "Damn, Rouge, you need to be more careful with your info."
"Ugh, it's not a big deal, I just- I almost want the blackmailer to fucking release the info already, save me the stress." I sighed
"Mm, they won't do that." Ravel said "The stress is why it works."
"Shut up, rag doll." I snapped at her "Thank you for covering for me, Panic Attack, I'm really sorry about that, I'll get a better grip on stuff soon, I swear. I just need to finish, I don't know, this phase in my life, I guess."
"I'll already be there, it's not a big deal." Ryllis said, shrugging "But please do try and plan ahead better next time and not sign up for things you can't do."
"I didn't know I-" I started, but stopped myself "Yeah, ok. I'll be more aware of that in the future."
It wasn't fair, yeah everyone had issues, but I had so many. I couldn't even keep track of them all, I needed a booklet just to keep track of what was going wrong in my life currently. Just thinking of the ones that had slipped my mind, I still hadn't called my mom, my roots were a full two inches at this point, and I still owed Sera some one-on-one time for covering for me before. Was I just weak? I felt overwhelmed and worn thin, but was that just how it was being an adult in the big city? I'd never felt this way back on the farm, I'd gotten everything done by afternoon and had every evening to myself to make my dioramas or watch TV, that's how it should be, I felt. I wondered if I could just fuck off from all this and go back home... If I was there to protect them the weird lady couldn't hurt my family, and if I wasn't a public hero I wouldn't have to worry about social media numbers, PR guidelines, or if I was breaking the rules, hell, I wouldn't even have to fight anyone.
On the other side though, I still really, really wanted to be famous. I needed the attention, to feel that sense of importance. Even if I never made it to godhood- not that I was giving up on that- I'd still be respected and loved by tens of thousands, I'd matter and have a lasting impact on the world. If I was milking cows and picking peaches all day I'd slip into the obscurity of a normal, boring, baseline existence. No one would care about me, no one would offer me anymore respect than what I got selling preserves at the farmer's market. I couldn't do that, I needed to be someone, and if I had to put myself through the wringer to do that, I'd do it.
Fuck cutting back on my publicity stuff, I'd protest and go to meetings and marches if I wanted, and what's more, I'd get Driz to record tomorrow's fight with Gemia, one more fight video to draw in the fans. In fact, she could even film other ones for me too! That's what I needed, not to cut back on my public appearances, but to make more, fights, arrests, property damage, the kinds of stuff that made normals remember you. I wasn't going to bother setting up fake fights, I'd keep fighting Gemia as long as it took to recruit her or for another team to take notice of her, and I was going to meet up with Sera and ask about hunting heretics with her. The only question at this point was whether to fight with her as Comfit or as Angel Rouge? Which one would benefit most from fight videos?
"Uh, you ok, Candy?" Ravel asked, poking me in the head with a leg
I flinched "Why wouldn't I be?"
"You're out of it, and like half a block behind the others. I think they're trying to break up a fight or something."
I looked forward to see two men squaring off, with Angel Sable in between them and Panic Attack trying to pull one of them back off the street. I handed Ravel my phone, starting the video recording.
"I was just lost in though, hold this and point it at me, I'm going to go fi- break up that fight for them." I said, taking off into the air.
As I dropped from the sky, preparing to smack the men with my wings as I landed, I held back a smile. This was how all the big heroes did it, Chap, Moonbug, even Queen Vile, all of them had hundreds of videos of their fights. I might not like to fight, but if it could launch me into the spotlight, I'd do whatever I needed to.
~~~
The afternoon sun was high overhead by the time I saw the stupid mech stomping its way through my section. I sighed in relief, it sure had taken her long enough, I'd gotten up at six in the morning for nothing... I dropped out of the sky into an alley and de-transformed back into my Comfit outfit once Ravel had hopped off. She waved goodbye as she scampered up one of the hollow buildings to watch the fight from the rooftops, and I pulled out my phone to call Drizti.
"Hey, I'm across the street from the laundromat with the vending machines out front, Gemia is heading this way, can you make it here?"
Drizti's chipper voice sounded even higher over the phone "Absolutely! I'll be there in a jiff!"
I steeled myself and stepped out onto the street, waiting on Gemia to make her way over to this street. I hoped she wasn't using anything that would stain this time, the leotard would be fine unless she used something with a lot of oil or dye, but I was tired of having to buy bodysuits to go under it, they were costing me more than I'd expected and It was ticking me off.
The squat, black and white mech finally turned the corner and I made eye contact with Gemia inside the cockpit. She grinned and waved at me, the bot waving at the same time with the opposite hand I held in a groan, and held up two hands in a 'don't shoot' motion as I walked over to her.
"Howdy, Comfit!" she said, her speakers crackling "I's here ride on time!"
"What do you mean 'on time'?" I asked "I've been waiting all day, you didn't say when you were going to show up!"
"No? I says to ju I were to be here at too fordy seven!" she said, looking confused
I blinked and glanced at the clock in my heads-up display, sure enough, it was 2:47.
"I- fuck..." I muttered "I could have slept in after all..."
"Is ok, dis fight will be quik!" she said "Ju can go sleepings after!"
As her mech's left arm flipped around to show a- a flamethrower?!- I shook my head "No no no! Not yet!"
"Why? Is der a bedder place to fight?" she asked
"One of my friends wants to film the fight," I explained "She'll be here any minute, is that ok?"
"Ja! Is hokey! I wan to be der movie star too!" Gemia nodded "Is hard, can't say dis words good 'cause am wilds gobling wif der wild gobling words in my brains, no ones wants to gives me der jobs."
"You want to be an actor?" I asked "I never would have guessed, what do you want to act in?"
Maybe she wasn't as two dimensional and single minded as I'd thought, it was so easy to reduce enemies to just a single trait, but if she had hopes and dreams, and those hopes and dreams were being dashed because of something she can't control, like an accent, I couldn't help but care about her a little bit more now...
"I wants to be de actor in der big prank videeos!" she said seriously "I is to be der one who say 'ju been pranked!' and den show de camera!"
Never mind, she was exactly who I thought she was.
"That's not really acting, that's-" I started
"Heyyy! I'm here!" Drizti called out "I have my phone! You can start fighting now!"
I turned to see her standing on the other side of the laundromat, holding her phone up, the round screen almost perfectly covering her round face. I triggered my helmet to show a smile to her and gave a thumbs up. Finally, now I could start-
Gemia's mech fist slammed into my head, sending me sprawling across the pavement. I really should have eaten a gummy before walking over...
"What the fuck, Gemia?" I barked, climbing to my feet "No cheap shots!"
"Dis fight had started!" she sang "De liddle one has said so!"
"Hey, I'm taller than you!" Drizti called out "And at least I'm not compensating for it by building a bigger body!"
"Is not to compensate, is to kik der azzes!" Gemia crowed, and the flamethrower finally clicked on
The nozzle gushed pale yellow cream at me, splattering me head to toe with goo and I shrieked at the shockingly cold sensation. Was this pudding? Had she made a flamethrower that shot pudding? I wiped the sludge off my visor in time to see the tube on the flamethrower swap out for a thinner one, and a pilot light snapped on. Ahh, ok, not pudding, creme brulee, that made sense. I should have guessed that, it was obvious in hindsight.
As the flames washed over my body, caramelizing the desert and cementing me in a sticky, thick paste, I idly wondered if the video would be able to capture my voice through the helmet and over the sounds of the flamethrower. Probably not, right? There's no way it'd pick it up from this distance. Still, I'd need to double check before posting it, because try as I might, I couldn't stop myself from screaming.