I stretched my vines and wiggled them around on the floor moss excitedly as I slid out of the pod on the wall of my ship. Today was finally the day I would start my mission! I'd been here such a long time already, just waiting. By this planet's years I'd been in orbit for a full quarter of a century and I was itching to go down to the surface and start my work. My body-form was pretty much ready (it was at least mostly humanoid instead of my usual mass of crawling vines), and I'd been watching television every day ever since my seed hatched, so I was passable at humanoid expressions and mannerisms. With my glamour projection, I'd be indistinguishable from a human!
I'd considered pretending to be one of the native plant people from the planet down below when I made my first landfall, but those plants were more tree based than us Sylifi, and none had the beautiful flowers on their heads like we did. Mine had lovely red petals that faded to white where they hung down around my knees, and the red matched the thorns I'd moved to be false claws on my 'hands' and 'feet' too, contrasting with the pink of my main body and light green of my limbs. If I did say so, I looked good, any other Sylifi would be lucky to pollinate me. I was getting ahead of myself though, my disguise was ready so now all I needed to do was get down to the surface, start amassing wealth, and seeding myself all over the surface. That way when I drained the planet, I'd get alllll the nutrients it had to offer.
My parents were very clear about the mission in the note they'd left me imbedded into the genetic code of my seed-pod, every step laid out in detail. I was looking forward to getting to start the job they'd made me for after all this time, the only frustrating part was going to be having to wait around on the surface until the stupid aliens down below invented faster than light travel... Otherwise, even once I was fully matured and pollinated I'd have no new invasion ships to give to any trueseeds I made, which would defeat the whole point of making trueseeds. The culture was in stage five of ten of learning interstellar travel so far, which meant I had at least five hundred years to wait before I could sprout all my seedlings and activate my off-shoots to start harvesting. Stupid, I'd have the planet under my control within a hundred years easily, the rest of the time I'd just be hoping (or enforcing) that they did more science faster.
I paced the floor of the spaceship, thinking over my immediate plan. I'd go down to the surface, I'd find people to take me in or otherwise work my way into a home, I'd start learning the culture past the usual stuff I'd learned on TV, and I'd start putting seeds down everywhere I could. To start, I'd go to the area with a large ratio of abnormal people per-population, that way if I was caught, I still wouldn't stand out too much. The best place I'd found was 'Valley City'; a dirty, loud, concrete cesspool of heroes and villains, with tons of odd creatures and powered beings crawling the streets. Should I pretend to be a hero at first too? The gods on this world didn't seem to notice the few non-god-born heroes wandering around the city, I might be able to pass as altruistic at first if I hid a few aspects of my nature. I needed more information on ‘Chosen’ before I made any further plans, I'd figure it out once I was down there.
I opened up the communicator on the dash and typed out another message to my friend down on the surface. I didn't know who they were, but they were from space too and had put out an ad looking for 'offworlders', so I'd been sending them texts asking them to meet up once I got down to the surface. I hadn't gotten a response yet. I imagined their tech was too weak to send a message all the way up here, I'd just meet them in person once I was on Earth. I'd need allies, and if they were Sylifi aligned, my invasion would go by so much faster!
Once I'd let my friend know my arrival was imminent, I gathered up the belongings I'd be bringing with me down to the surface; my glamour projector (duh), a small sproutling doll named Babbi I'd sewn out of the silk inside my seed pod, a simple gun that wasn't high tech enough to draw attention, a remote to call the land-to-space pod I'd use to get up and down, and my beloved music player that I'd filled with thousands of songs over the years. All the essentials that I couldn't easily replace, nothing extra. I could get food and water down there, my glamour projector had clothes built in (and my real body had leaves growing over the places humanoids usually hid), and if I needed any medical care, it was just a quick surface to air jaunt to get up to the medbay in the ship.
I took a deep breath and stepped into the pod, retracting my claws and softening my body so the glamour would fit better, and I set a course for a park I'd found in Valley City not too far from where the ad for being an 'offworlder' had been put out. With any luck, I'd be able to find my friend and get a foothold in a home of some kind, seamlessly blending into society! I dumped most of the stuff I was carrying on the floor of the pod and hugged Babbi to my body. There was no turning back now, die, be caught, succeed or be used as a sentient farm, I was on my way to Earth!
~~~
I gathered my stuff into a bag and activated the glamour projector, 'transforming' my body into my chosen form. I flared my leaves, the action translating to a deep breath in my projection, and I shuddered. I was going to have to leave the pod eventually, it might as well be now, right? I was super excited before my pod made landfall, why was I so nervous? It's not like these people were even remotely as advanced as me, I would think circles around them, I'd survive anything they could throw at me, and they weren't even hostile to me yet, so why was my sap swishing through my phloem so quickly? It's like my body was preparing me for a fight, but there wouldn't be a fight, I just needed to get myself together and stop freaking out, damnit!
I turned on the large reflector next to the door and looked myself up and down, making sure my projection was in place. I was a human with lightly tanned skin and hair that was pink underneath and yellow with pink stripes on top. I was 'wearing' a white blouse under a pink dress, held in place with a cute pink belt, and I had a little pink tie that matched my pink shoes. Did I go overboard with the pink? It wasn't too bright, sort of muted and warm to match my natural pink coloration and eye color under the glamour, but looking at it now, it was a lot of pink. The yellow hair and white top broke it up a little, but was it still going to make me stand out? Ugh, it was too late to change anything now, it'd taken three weeks for the whole projection to compile, I was not about to put this off any longer.
The pod door slid open and I carefully stepped out, my bag held against my chest. I couldn't feel Babbi's floss through the projection, but I could feel her fluff as I squeezed her carefully. I was on Earth, my feet were on Earth, I was here! I looked around at the park and bit my lip. This place was nice but the plant life was so maintained and boring, the grass was cut and the trees had limbs missing where paths went, and the flowers were all planted in patterns instead of wherever they wanted to be. I saw some birds floating on the water's surface- 'ducks' if I remembered right- and I straightened up, my focus returning. Right, non-plant life. There was life here, and I needed to make first contact with... someone. I pressed a button on my remote and the pod closed up and shimmered, making the area it was in imperceivable to anyone who didn't know it was there.
I scattered some sprout seeds in the grass around me and headed for the path nearest to me. They'd grow soon, building underground and gathering energy for me, if I could get enough of them out there, I'd cover the planet by the time I was ready to feed. Maybe I could introduce them as a new type of lawn? It'd be annoying to feel them get cut every so often, but if I could mostly detach until the day of, it'd be fine. I was getting ahead of myself though, first I needed to get a foothold here, and I hadn't even met another person yet.
My feet touched the smooth black pavement of the path and I grimaced, there was no life here, no soil or breathing dirt, it felt wrong to step on and the whole city was made up of stuff like this... Ugh, this would take a while to get used to. Maybe I'd remove my shoes from the projection and buy real ones, ones I could fill with moss? My bag was already itching where it rested on my projection's shoulder though, so I hated the thought of having something pressing against my feet all day.
I turned a corner and gasped, my petals fluttering on an unseen layer, and I froze. A person, a native of this planet! It was a man by the looks of him, with green skin and longer ears. He didn't have tusks, and he was pretty short, so this was most likely a 'goblin' man, interesting! I grinned at him as he jogged past, my voice getting stuck in my throat. He frowned at me as he went around me, and I flinched, was I not supposed to smile at people? They always did in the shows I'd watched, was he just mean? Not that I cared if he was mean, obviously, I was going to take over his planet and harvest his kind for nutrients, him being mean was paltry compared to the evils I'd commit. He didn't even count as first contact because I didn't say anything, so there.
I continued along the path, I'd find a better, non-mean person to first contact. I exited the area with trees and saw a small booth down the path containing a human woman inside with dirty blonde hair and a green t-shirt on looking bored. Bored was better than mean! She'd be perfect. I smacked my lips to make sure I was ready to speak, and marched up to her booth and smiled wide at her. She looked up and jumped, her hands going to a stack of papers on the booth, and she shook her head.
"I- I have permission from the parks department, it's not a violent protest, just passing out flyers! I have the legal right to be here!" she said, her eyes flashing with defiance
"Hello woman, it's nice to meet you, what are you doing today?" I asked her politely, keeping my smile up. 'Legal right'? Why would she be worried about the legality of being in a park? Were they not public use like I'd assumed? I may need to move my pod...
"Um, I'm with The Society for Non-Chosen Liberation, I'm just passing out flyers about some of the things the Chosen have done, it's not an attack, it's just spreading information!"
"Oh, I love information, could you please share it?" I nodded at the stack of papers, this was going so well! Free information right away from a private source!
"Uh, w-well, the flyer is saying that Chosen get away with doing crimes and they don't even follow the already lax GGDS guidelines for safely stopping so-called bad guys? And they have a tendency to, uh, hurt the people they're arresting, like, they're too rough with them. The system is built around protecting them and their gods, to avoid accountability and get as much attention and money as possible, it's sick. Oh, and there's a whole section on the back about how Miss Missile has killed over thirty people and never even gone to trial. It's- like, it's about the system, you know? I'm not saying you're the problem, just that all Chosen aren't accountable, and that needs to change."
Her voice had gotten stronger and more confident as she spoke, good, I was befriending her! Something struck me as odd though, and I asked her about it.
"Why would I be the problem?"
She looked me up and down and narrowed her eyes "Wait, are you not a Chosen?"
"I'm a Sylifi!" I said, and felt a chill go down my whole stem, frick! I'd just blurted it out, my cover was blown!
"That's a nice name, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be weird." the lady said "I'm Chrissie, I just assumed you were a chosen because of your costu- uh, outfit and hair. You don't see a lot of yellow hair..."
Thank the seeds, she didn't seem to know what a Sylifi was... "There's pink too!" I said, tilting my head so she could see the underside better "So, you say Chosen get away with breaking the law, can murder without consequence, and have special laws to protect them? That wasn't in any of the shows I've seen..."
"Exactly!" Chrissie nodded her face breaking into an excited smile "They get away with everything! And it's hidden from most of the population because, like you said, they keep it off TV! It's only on CirNet, and you gotta know the right people to even know it's going on, our team had to make a formal request to the records office under false pretenses to get this info about Miss Missile's murders! One of our group went to jail to get this out there!"
"Wow!" I said, grinning "That's amazing! And Miss Missile is one of the really strong ones, right?"
"Yeah, she's a mass murderer and she's just safe and cozy in her fucking tower in city square, not a care in the world!"
I didn't know what a 'fucking tower' was, I'd never heard that word before in the shows I'd seen, but this was an amazing lead! If I could join the Chosen here, it sounded like I'd be set to get away with just about anything! I had a goal and destination, join up with Miss Missile at her fucking tower, learn how to become a Chosen (or fake it), and use my power to get away with any crime I wanted! I reached over the table and grabbed Chrissie's hand firmly, shaking it up and down.
"Thank you so much for your free information, Chrissie! I'm absolutely going to go far with this!" I said, making my smile even wider for her to show that I was extra happy
"Yeah, no problem! Hey, if you want, you could pass out some flyers for me?" she asked, handing me a stack of the papers "But, uh, maybe don't smile quite so hard? The people might get scared and avoid you, and we want this information to get around as quickly as possible."
I lowered my smile "Like this?"
"Nnno that's a grimace, like this, see?"
I copied her 'smile' and she gave me a thumbs up. It was hardly a smile, you couldn't even see her teeth, but if that's what made people happy around here, I'd keep it in mind. I looked down at the papers and thumped my fingers on them. If passing them out would help her, I'd do it! She'd given me the next step to world domination after all, it was the least I could do.
"Thank you Chrissie, I'll go pass these out, then I'll go act on the information myself!" I told her, waving at her
She winced "If you do any terrorism, please make sure you don't have any flyers on you. We don't need that bad press, but thank you for your help, and good luck!"
I turned and marched away, papers under my arm. I could get rid of these in no time, there were tons of people in Valley City, and who would turn down free information? I'd be tracking Miss Missile down by lunchtime!
~~~
I grumbled and tossed the remaining flyers in the garbage, it was late afternoon, and I was starting to think just about everyone on this planet but Chrissie was mean, or at the very least rude. I had given out no more than ten of the flyers I'd taken, and even then people tended to just dump them in the nearest trash can. I shouldn't be spreading this information anyway, it could be used by an enemy to do exactly what I wanted to do, I needed to just keep going on with my mission. The good news was, I'd made my way over to where the fucking tower was. There was what looked like a big hole in the upper floors that was patched over with plastic, but the bottom looked intact, and that was the part I was going for anyway.
I walked over to the big glass double doors and pushed them open, admiring the glossy black floors and silver walls, it almost looked like a space ship, I felt right at home! I walked up to a woman standing behind a desk in the center of the room and smiled at her- one of my smiles, not a weak one like Chrissie showed me- and held out my hand for her to shake.
"Hello! I'm here to visit Miss Missile, I'm interested in how she's able to get away with doing so much and still be a hero!"
The woman frowned at my hand and gave me a thin smile "She's a very busy woman, do you have an appointment?"
"I was hoping to just meet her for a bit, maybe get some tips on some stuff?" I said politely
The woman returned my smile- one of the ones I gave- and shook her head "I'm so sorry, we can't let people in to see the Queens willy nilly, you need to have an appointment."
"Well, may I make an appointment?" I leaned forward "Is there one now?"
"I'm afraid I don't make the appointments, please refer to our site for more information if you don't have the number of her agent. Other than that, there's a tour starting in about thirty minutes if you want to wait on that!"
"Oooh, will I meet her on the tour?" I asked excitedly
"You will not." the woman said, and gave me a look that I was pretty sure meant 'go away'.
I sighed and turned to go when a large hand clapped down on my shoulder and I yelped, jumping back. Towering head and shoulders over me was a green lady with straight black hair and tusks- an ork most likely- wearing studded leather armor and a huge square blade strapped to her back. She grinned at me and stuck out a hand.
"You a new Chosen? My name's Kelly, but most folks call me Lady Guillotine." she said as I shook her hand, my fingers getting lost in her grip
"I'm a Sylifi!" I said, and flinched. I had to stop doing that...
"Asylifi? Weird name, so are ya' new?" she asked, leaning against the desk and scooting it back a few inches
"No, j-just 'Sylifi'." I said. Maybe this planet didn't have contact with other worlds yet? They might not know about my kind... "I'm new in town, yes. I was looking into becoming a Chosen, Miss Missile seems to have gotten around, and I thought she'd have some tips?"
Kelly laughed "She gets around all right. She's 'gotten around' the whole team so far, myself included."
I was confused, but nodded like I understood "Ah, she does very good work, then!"
"I'll say." Kelly agreed "Hey, I can't get you in a meeting with her, she's out at the grand opening of some mall on the outskirts, but me and Elma were about to head out for a late lunch, wanna come with us instead?"
"Elma?" I asked
"Yo." a voice came from behind Kelly, and a short grey-green girl with messy brown hair stepped out. She was wearing a leather jacket with a frilly lavender top under it, a spiked belt, and loose blue pants. She came up to my shoulder, so too tall to be a goblin despite her ears and teeth, maybe part human too?
"Yeah, we were gonna hit up a new ramen place across the square, you're invited if you want!" Kelly nodded
"I'm so sorry, I don't have any money!" I said, frowning "I haven't figured out the best way to get it yet, I'm flat broke."
"Based on what my power's picking up..." Elma said, squinting at me "You could be uhhh, a farmer? I'm getting, like, growing stuff, managing and organizing, some kind of people skill, multitasking, random stuff mostly."
"Power?" I asked her, tilting my head
"Oh, shit, yeah, I'm on the Queens too, most people don't know me though." she blushed "I copy whatever skills the people around me have, I was just trying to help you figure out what jobs you'd be good for."
"Hey, if she's good at like, management and people, she could work here!" Kelly said "We need someone like her" she jabbed a thumb at the lady behind the desk "for the office further up, the one people with appointments wait at. Sylifi could do that!"
"Ah, isn't that something you should hire within the company for?" the lady said, her face tightening
"You have like, ten levels in suck-up, I don't want you in my area feeding me those skills." Elma rolled her eyes "I'd veto your promotion to our floor just based on that alone."
"Suck-up?" I asked "I don't see how that's a skill."
"Eh, some of the stuff Elma copies is less useful than others." Kelly laughed "Now come on, let's go get ramen, my treat!"
~~~
"...and then we threw him down the garbage chute too!" Kelly said, her laugh echoing off the walls of the mostly-empty shop, "Motherfucker was coughing up coffee grounds when we finally dug him out!"
I laughed along with her and Elma, it was nice to have people who felt similarly about the humor of violence! I was worried I'd be an oddball.
"That's a very good story!" I said "I must ask though, what is a 'fuck'?"
"Uh, what." Elma said, as Kelly started snickering
"I've heard about a 'fucking tower' and a 'motherfucker' just today, so the root word seems to be 'fuck', but I've not heard that word before, what is it?"
"Were you raised in the middle of nowhere or something?" Elma asked
"I was!" I said "I didn't know many people, I just watched TV a lot."
"Ahh, that makes sense, yeah." Kelly said, still smiling "Fuck is like, I don't know, a modifier? It adds oomph to something, if something is 'fucking amazing', you mean it's better than amazing, or if something is 'fucked' it's messed up to the point it's un-fixable. And just by itself, the word kinda means... it's like what you say when you're mad and there's no other words to say?"
"Ohhh, like 'shit'?" I asked
"How do you know that one but not fuck?" Elma asked
"They say 'shit' on tv, if it's late enough." Kelly explained "Anyway, 'fuck' can also just mean having sex."
"Ooooh, that's fun!" I said, my eyes lighting up "Thank you!"
"Maybe don't say whose words while you're behind the desk, though." Elma pointed out, poking at her second bowl of spicy noodles "It's pretty impolite."
"I'll remember that, I'd hate to be rude." I said, taking another bite of my own meal. It was strange, eating food like this. I usually just let my roots suck nutrients out and used the sun to feed, but I could eat like a person too, to blend in. It felt weird and slimy in my torso as mini roots sucked and grasped at the partially chewed food and sucked up the broth. I'd need to work on my stomach lining though, the soup was still simmering inside me. My capsaicin glands obviously meant that I couldn't be hurt by the spice, but my fibers didn't like the heat at all.
"After this, I'll bring you up to the offices, show you around." Kelly said "It's easy, you know how to use a computer?"
I thought to the console in my spaceship and smiled "Oh, yes, of course!"
"Cool, cool, so you'll just be looking over the appointments, making sure people are on time, calling them if they're not, ordering new supplies as people request them, easy stuff."
"And I'll get money for this and get to work with the Queens?" I asked "Wow!"
Elma shrugged "We Queens don't go down to the offices like, every day, but yeah, you'll see us around, we do marketing meetings down there and stuff. You'll make, what was it, around three thousand blessings a month?"
"That's about right, yeah." Kelly nodded "The lady before you, the one you'll be replacing? She was up to at least four thousand, but since you're a new hire, you'll be starting at the base."
"What happened to the other lady?" I asked "Did she die?"
"Maybe, actually?" Elma said "She's been missing for a couple weeks, just dropped off the face of the earth, no trace."
"Wow..." I said "That happens a lot?"
"Not... a ton?" Kelly said, exchanging a look with Elma "But, uh, if you're new around here, maybe be careful about walking alone in dark alleyways?"
"And for the love of the gods if a woman in white asks if you're a heretic, run to the nearest public space." Elma winced "She's not officially a suspect in any missing persons cases? But holy fuck does she pop up around the last known location of a lot of people."
"Ahh, I take it she's a hero then?" I asked knowingly. If she could get away with that, she'd have to be.
"One of the strongest in the city, aside from Queen Vile." Kelly confirmed "But Vile won't touch her, says she's 'infected', so she goes free."
"That's so interesting..." I said, furrowing my brow. I had to become a chosen now, the benefits were just too good.
"Anyway, wanna head over now?" Kelly asked me "Or did you want more ramen? You only had one bowl to my four and Elma's two."
"I'm ready!" I said "Let's get this new job started!"
~~~
My first day on the job- well, second, but first full day- was going so well! I'd figured out the interface of the strange round-screened computer on the first day, but the weird bubbles and zoom effects to see different parts of what was on the screen weren't intuitive at all. I was getting the hang of it though! When Hank had asked me to order new snacks for the break room, I found the order form and filled it out without asking for help a single time, I knew I'd be able to think circles around these aliens!
I hummed to myself as I poked around on the screen, I'd found a game where you could spin the screen and drop shapes into slots to clear rings, and I was getting really good at it. I'd finished all my work for the day already, and I was just waiting for people to come up and ask me to do more stuff. I should have brought something to write on or make plans in, I had so much time I was wasting! Of course, it didn't seem right to do personal stuff while I was being paid to do other stuff, but if I didn't have any stuff to do, was it really bad? I clicked my tongue as I made another match and rocked back and forth. Tomorrow I'd bring something productive to do, so I wasn't wasting time like this.
Someone walked up to the desk and I beamed at her, Elma! She'd come to see me!
"Hey Sylifi, settling in?" she asked, setting a paper bag on my desk
"I am! I finished all my work though, what do I do now?" I asked
"Oh, uh, just look at CirNet or some shit, no one cares. Hey, want my fries and a drink?"
"Do you not want them?" I asked
"I got a three meal deal because it's cheaper than buying the burgers separate, I don't need three things of fries and three drinks."
"Aw, ok! Yeah I'd love your fries, thank you!"
Elma nodded and dug in the bag and passed me a cup of fries and a drink. I took them and sipped the drink, wrinkling my nose and shivering at the bubbles. I hadn't had soda before, I didn't think it agreed with me...
"Thank you for sharing!" I said
"No prob. Hey, did you ever fill out the paperwork we gave you?" she asked, pulling up a chair and opening one of her burgers
"I did?" I said "But I don't have a bank or anything, and I don't have any identification to fill out those sections."
"Ah, fuck. Not to pry, but you mentioned living in the middle of nowhere, did your parents not register you when you were born?"
"They did not, is that bad?" I eyed the round slices she was pulling off her food
"Ugh, it's not bad bad, but it's annoying. You'll need to go to the GGDS and register. I'd do it sooner than later though, so we can actually pay you."
"I see." I frowned. Hopefully they wouldn't test me or anything, my glamour wouldn't hold up to any serious scrutiny.
"Do you like pickles?" Elma asked me
"I don't know, maybe?" I tilted my head
"Well. I don't, so I've got like, a bunch for you if you want them."
I picked one of the slices off the paper and popped it in my mouth. As the brine-y, flavorful, slimy disk hit my tongue, I shuddered and twitched. I could feel the chemicals in it shriveling and poisoning my flesh, it seeped into me, and I almost gagged as I swallowed. That wasn't good, something was weird about it, it was like it'd been designed to kill plants specifically. I could feel it surging into my sap as I dissolved it and I felt a little queasy. It wasn't a terrible feeling, but it was kinda swooshy, in a way.
"So do you?" Elma asked
"...I'll see." I said as the pickle finished dissolving, my head floaty
"Whatever, hey I've got a thing tonight or I'd take you to the GGDS after you get off, but like, you should go tonight if you're going."
"Oh, I was going to explore the city..." I said "I haven't gotten to check it out yet."
"I'd say get the registration figured out first, it's more important." she gathered up her stuff and shoved it back into the bag, leaving the pickles on the counter
"If you think it's that important, I'll trust you!" I said "Thank you for the meal!"
"No sweat, just wanted to make sure you weren't having problems." she said "I'm heading up to my room, see you later, Sylifi."
It was weird she kept calling me by my species, it's not like I was calling her 'half-goblin' or anything. Still, I didn't have a name yet, so maybe she didn't know what to call me aside from that? I was just happy no one seemed to know what a Sylifi was. Even looking myself up on the computer didn't come up with anything, no matter what spelling I used. Once I registered, it might be another story, but for now, I was feeling fairly safe. I looked up the office I was supposed to visit on the computer, it was a less than fifteen minute walk away, not too bad. I might be able to explore and look for my friend tonight after all!"
~~~
The pickles flowed through my system as I walked down the street towards the closest GGDS offices. It turned out I did like them! They made my system feel all buzzy and fun and silly! I laughed and spun in place as the wiggles hit again, this was great, I needed to find more pickles! My body was healing the effects fairly quickly as far as I could tell, they were almost out of my system, but that just meant they were safe to have regularly. I'd have to get them by the... box? Jar? Whatever pickles came in, I wanted more. I walked into the office and sauntered up the booth labeled "Registrations and re-classifications", slapping my hands on the counter with a smile. The gentleman behind the counter jumped and shoved the book he'd been reading under the desk quickly.
"Hello ma'am, you're here to register?" he asked
"I am!" I said "I am a human person who needs to register so I can get paid for my job."
"Are you sure?" the man looked me up and down "You're pretty old for an unregistered human. Are you sure you're not a clone or simulacrum?"
"No, I'm a human, I said so." I crossed my arms "I demand banking and identification!"
The man frowned, but clicked on his computer "Can we scan your fingers? We need to check if you're already in the system first."
I shoved my hand towards him and nodded confidently "I think you'll find these fingers belong to no one but me!"
He pressed a button on the computer and clicked a small scanner around my hand, and a red light flashed. It wasn't like sunlight, but it wasn't quite artificial either, I think I could have gotten nutrients from it if I'd tried, I'd have to remember that, maybe get some of them for my spacepod?
"Hm, so you're not 'human', that's for sure." the man said "I can still register you as a full citizen because you can obviously speak and read, and you pass as human, but real humans tend to have fingerprints."
I blinked. Fingerprints? Did I have to manually add those to the projection? Frick. No, fuck. Damnit, the plan was already falling apart- unless...
I leaned in and whispered to him in a hushed tone "You can't tell anyone, but I'm actually secretly a chosen, and this is my secret identity." I looked around conspiratorially "I'm a shapeshifter, and I can change my shape, I didn't realize I didn't have fingerprints, but I'd like to keep this identity private to protect my loved ones."
That should work, I'd seen a similar thing in a TV show once.
The man's eyes widened and he looked around the room before getting closer "Mister Multiple?" he whispered "Is that you?"
I flinched, 'Mister'? I had pistils damnit, I specifically chose to have pistils and no stamens when I was past the sprout phase! 'Mister', ew. I had to go along with it though, at least a little. It might be my only shot at blending in officially.
"...I cannot confirm or deny my identity." I said looking at him in a pointed way
He pursed his lips and nodded "Got it, just give me the basics and I'll get you the ID. The banking info should be online in a few days, I'll take this to my grave, sir."
I flinched but gave him a wide smile anyway. "Perfect. I'm a twenty five year old human woman. I work at Queens Tower, I am five foot nine, I weigh one hundred and fifty eight pounds, I have pink eyes and naturally yellow hair."
"O-ok..." the man said "Uh, traditionally humans don't have pink eyes, is that-?"
"Part of my cover." I said "And- uh, put my hair as 'blonde' I guess."
"No problem." he nodded "And the name?"
I went blank, frick, I forgot this part, again. "Just... call me Sylifi?" I said
"Last name?" he asked
"...Pueraria?" I guessed "Yes. Pueraria."
It was pretty on the nose, but it's all I could think of that really felt like me. It was a pretty name, Sylifi Pueraria, I felt good about it.
"Ok. Perfect." the man said "I'll get this processed tonight, it'll be ready by the time you wake up. Where should I send the bank card and ID?"
"Queens Tower, Attention: Sylifi." I said "It'll get to me, trust me."
"Ok, thank you for your service, sir." the man gave me a smile and a salute, and I held in a cringe as I saluted back.
I had employment, I was a legal human, I had a bank account, I just needed a 'real' home and a friend group and I'd be fully integrated. I was about where I needed to be so far, if I could get set up as a Chosen, I'd be golden. Next up, I needed to start courting churches to find one that needed a spunky, colorful young woman to fight crime for them! I'd start visiting services tomorrow night, for now, I wanted to go lay down and rest for the work day tomorrow.
~~~
"So I've been checking out the Chosen around Valley city, and I'm noticing something weird..." I said to Elma as she passed me half of one of her subs
"What's that?" she mumbled around a bite
I leaned back in my desk chair "Well, sure we have the Children of Battle and like, Chap, and Choco-Man, but like, almost all of the other Chosen in Valley City are women. The Queens, The Nurses, most of the independents, Lorgiaia's Angels, all women. What's up with that?"
Elma snorted and sipped her ice tea "Marketing? Popularity? The fact that in this day and age men with power intimidate people? Take your pick. Women heroes just get more traction most of the time. Like yeah, Chap and Moonbug and Anchor Drop are the most popular ones ever, and they're all guys, but if a god wants to ensure at least a minimum popularity, they choose a woman."
"Wouldn't it be better to pick a guy if all the most popular ones are guys?" I asked "I'm confused."
"No, see, guys have a higher popularity cap, they have more ‘total potential’ because if a guy is popular, all the other guys look up to them, but women? Women start out at a higher ranking almost every time without having to build up popularity, just because women like seeing women with power, and guys like seeing women with power. Unfortunately, they have a lower ‘total popularity potential’ on average because not all women will look up to all women, only those they really respect. Guys just starting out have to fight against the grain to get popularity because, again, men with power are intimidating, but once they get the momentum, they go farther.”
"Huh." I said "That sounds... not right?"
"It's what the marketing heads told us, I dunno." Elma shrugged, and passed me a couple wedges of pickle
"What about people who are neither?" I asked "Like, umm non-binary?"
"We usually fall into whatever category we usually present as, and if the person presents as nothing? They just never go anywhere outside the queer community."
"Wait, are you non-binary?" I gasped "I'm so sorry, I didn't know!"
She grimaced "Don't apologize, that's dumb. You didn't do anything wrong, but yeah, I use she/they. I don't advertise it though because, again, it's a career killer."
"Should I start using 'they' for you?" I asked "I totally can!"
"Don't get weird about it." she rolled her eyes "Use whichever you like, I don't care, I use both, so either is fine."
"Ok, got it." I nodded and took a bite of pickle "I use she/her, I am very specific about that though, I don't use anything else."
"Most cis people are like that, yeah."
"I don't know if I'm exactly cis?" I said "I picked my sex and gender years ago, it just means a lot to me, so I like to be referred to correctly."
"What do you mean you picked y-" Elma let out a low breath and dropped her shoulders "Oh, fuck, you're an abomination, aren't you? You gotta disclose that to HR, you'll get fired if they find out you lied."
I glared at her "I'm a human. I told you already."
"Were you always a human?" she asked pointedly
"That question feels insensitive." I said "Like, if I asked you if you were always non-binary."
"It- no, because- I'm just... Fuck." she shook her head "Yeah, no, you went to the GGDS and got scanned, your ID says 'human', you're a human, you're right."
"You should just be able to take my word for it." I crossed my arms, my sandwich forgotten "That's the nice thing to do."
"No, yeah, I get it." she said "Fuck, I'm sorry, I was just being stupid, it's all good, we're good."
We sat in silence for a while before I picked up a pickle wedge and bit a chunk off, my crunching filling the air, my brain tingling. Elma looked around at the empty office for a while before sliding off the edge of the desk.
"I think we need to reinforce our friendship." she said "I like our lunchtime chats, I'd like to keep having them. Can I take you out for drinks tonight?"
"Like, a date?" I asked, my sap rushing. I liked her, but did I like her like her?
"No, sorry, uh, friend hangout." she said "Just like, to a bar off Center Street. I'm meeting a couple people there already, I just wondered if you wanted to come too."
"I was going to start church shopping tonight, buuuuutttt I guess drinks sound more fun."
I agreed. Could I drink? I guess I was about to find out.
"Perfect!" she grinned "I'll see you outside the tower when you get off, 'k?"
Friend group, achieved! Almost! I was flying through my goals, I'd be able to start building wealth in no time.
~~~