I squirmed in Marissa's hand, my Appa looking at me with sad eyes, my mother standing up straight, her arms crossed. Marissa squirmed too, shifting in the couch as she looked for something to say. I could feel her heartbeat in the palm of her hand through my leg, and while her face was placid and calm, the heartbeat was picking up pace the longer we sat here. I couldn't sit here much longer, I knew my parents wanted her to break the ice, but if she didn't do it soon, I would... Marissa cleared her throat slightly, and I tensed up, waiting to see her first words to them.
"I- ehm- I just wanted to thank you for the opportunity to meet you, and I wanted to say that I have enjoyed getting to know your daughter over the past couple weeks, she's been an absolute delight..."
Marissa's words hung in the air, heavy and clunky, and my parents don't move an inch.
"She- we, I mean, she and I, we're getting pretty close," Marissa clarified "and we've learned to get along, and I just wanted to tell you- to let you know, that we- I'm not- I think we, uh, get along very well now, we're... good."
The air was still, and I saw my mother's barely contained fire rising to the surface.
"Uh, Appa," I said, trying to keep things going, and to give my mother time to calm down "Has- has Henri talked to you about- things? Between me and Marissa?"
My mother snorted, and my Appa sighed "...Henri told us last night at dinner that you were... being used as a 'toy' for this girl, and that you thought that meant you two were... together."
"I taught you better than that, Amber." my mom snapped at me "Love is more than someone liking you for what you give them."
"You- you didn't teach me anything!" I said, suddenly frustrated "I've never dated before, you told me nothing about dating except to find someone to marry before I was 25, this is not on me."
I turned to my dad "And Appa, we are together, it's not the way Henri said. Marissa doesn't use me, we play games and stuff, she's- she's learning. She cares for me, she just likes to play rough..."
"So... you two are together? As far as you're concerned?" he asked, looking between me and her
"..." Marissa swallowed hard "...Yes, we are."
"I can't believe my daughter gets caught up with a girl like you, after all we did to make sure she'd end up with someone who would treat her right..." my mother muttered
"I- I'm- I do my best to take care of her, Miss Park." Marissa said, her hand shaking slightly
"You took her from me." she said, glaring at her.
"M-mom, I told Marissa that maybe we could all learn to make mandu together?" I said, trying to change the subject
She clicked her tongue "You want me to teach her to cook? This girl is not my daughter, why should I teach her my recipes?"
"Because she's taking care of our daughter." My father said tiredly "And I'd like our daughter to at least be able to think of us while she's there without us. Having our recipes cooked for her will help."
I looked at him, shocked. I hadn't expected him to be so quick to support Marissa, he always seemed so protective of me, I'd thought he'd-
"If you could let Hye-jin hold Amber, I would like to talk to you in my room for a moment..." my father said to Marissa
...There it was, that made more sense.
Marissa frowned, and looked at me, confused. I nodded, and pointed to my mom. Marissa grimaced, and stood, passing me gently to my mother, who carefully cupped me with two hands. I watched as Marissa followed my dad into his and mom's room and shut the door behind them.
I looked up at my mother, who's stern, hard face had softened into a sad, mournful one. "Mom... It's ok, really. She's... we're learning to get along, I actually like her, now, mostly."
"Amber..." She said, walking slowly to the kitchen and setting me on the table in front of her as she sat down "I talked to Henri, she said that rotten girl is doing horrible, horrible things to you."
"She's not, she's- she likes to be rough, being in charge is important to her, but it's not as bad as Henri says, I promise."
It might have been as bad, to tell the truth, I was assuming Henri was exaggerating, but she didn't know about the jeans pocket, so...
"Henri just wants you to be safe, Amber." she said, petting my head softly, far more carefully than any other person had.
"Henri loves me, mom. She's desperate to get me back."
"We all love you, dumpling, we all want you back." she leaned away and her brow wrinkled "I've been calling that man running the lawsuit almost every day, hoping for news..."
"I don't think the lawsuit will go anywhere, mom." I muttered "But you misunderstand, Henri loves me. She wants to date me, and keep me, and kiss me and stuff."
My mom frowned "That explains why I found her crying into a pile of dirty clothes in your room earlier this week..."
I winced and shook my head "...please make sure all my stuff has been washed... and throw out my toothbrush and stuff, please."
She nodded and sighed "Why couldn't you have gotten girlfriends when you were regular sized? Why is it only when you're too small to get married that you have people interested?"
"They were interested before, me being compressed- well, it just made it more urgent..." I explained
Her eyes widened in shock "The rotten girl liked you before? She was so horrible to you..."
"Yeah, go figure" I muttered "Turns out, being horrible to people is how she gets close to them."
"That's- I don't understand this generation..." She said sadly
"I don't either." I admitted "But she really, really, actually cares about me, and she just wants to be close to me and keep me safe, so please, can you at least pretend you're ok with it?"
She looked at me for a few long seconds, then blinked slowly, a tear falling out of her eye. "I always imagined you bringing home your first love differently. This way... it feels like my dreams for you were all washed away, and you're asking me to just forget it?"
"It's no one's fault, except those people who made the compression particles, I guess." I said "It's just how it is, it sucks, but... it's what I have. I'm... I don't know, lucky to have her? It could be much, much worse. I'd rather have a guardian who hurts me a little on purpose than one who hurts me by mistake."
"Lucky..." she said, wiping her eyes "lucky would be you here, with us. Being our daughter, not being hidden away from us by a girl that tried to ruin your life."
The door to my parent's bedroom opened, and my mom glanced up over the bar, and back down at me "I'll be polite, I'll be kind, and I'll pretend to support her, for you." She said in a whisper "But I will never forgive her from taking you away from me when you needed me most."
I nodded, and climbed back into her hand as she brought me over to the bar, setting me on it as Marissa took a seat across from us. Marissa looked worried, and mildly angry, but she gave me a tiny smile when I waved at her.
"So. Amber wants you to learn to make mandu, hm?" my mom asked Marissa "I'd prefer to teach you something more unique, like bulgogi or tteokbokki. Everyone in the world makes dumplings, but only Korea has yook hwei."
"I like dumplings, mom..." I said, blushing
"And I like passing my culture down to the next generation, but no, we're making dumplings, apparently." She snapped back
Marissa swallowed "Uh, we can make whatever you like, I don't know what bulogi or the others are, but I would be more than happy to learn any of them."
"Absolutely not." she said "My daughter wants mandu, we make mandu."
"Honey..." my father said "Amber might not be able to eat very much of anything you make, just so you know. They have digestion problems."
"I'll eat it anyway." I said "I need this..."
My mom's eyes softened and she looked at me, almost hurt, but locked back in the next moment.
"We need to start if we're going to eat before the replacement daughter gets home. I gave her a shopping list, so she'll be late, but she'll still be home before long."
"Yeah, we- replacement?..." Marissa asked, looking at me sharply.
"Let's- I'll ride on your shoulder, Marissa, if that's ok." I said, pushing past it "So you have both hands free."
She scooped me up and dropped me on her shoulder, and I hooked one arm under her bra strap to hold on as she walked into the kitchen.
"Well, let's get started." my mom said "We'll make two batches, real ones, and a small batch with tofu, for Amber."
She looked Marissa up and down
"You eat meat, right?"
Marissa gave a thumbs up "Yup, gotta get that protein for tennis."
My mom nodded approvingly. "I thought so, you have strong arms."
"You can still get protein without meat..." I said "There's beans, eggs, nuts, tofu..."
"I'm gonna keep eating meat, Amber." Marissa said "I have a figure to watch."
"Amber's been watching her figure too," my mom cut in "watching it grow."
"Mom, I work out, I'm healthy!" I said, indignant. She'd been rough about my tummy before, but in front of Marissa? I got it bad enough from her already...
"I kinda like Amber's shape..." Marissa said softly "She's- I don't know, she's soft... I like the way she feels in my hand."
My mom looked at Marissa hard, then turned back to the cabinets she was pulling the ingredients out of "Well, if you like it, then..."
I felt myself relax, and I hugged Marissa's shoulder. She'd backed me up, and my mom had kept her word and been supporting.
"Do you two need anything?" my Appa asked "Or should I just watch?"
I leaned up to Marissa's ear "Get him one of the green bottles from the fridge, he'll love that."
She eyed the fridge as my mom opened it, and stepped over, pulling out a lychee soju, and passed it over the bar to my dad "I think you can just hang out and watch..." She said
My dad let out a laugh, and cracked open the bottle "You're already doing better than replacement daughter. Jinie, can we keep this one instead?"
My mom huffed and rolled her eyes, ignoring him.
"Here, you're an adult, right?" he asked Marissa "Get one for yourself, they're very good."
"Uh, yeah, ok..." Marissa said "I'm not driving or anything."
"Can you drive?" I asked and she pulled one with a peach on it out of the fridge and closed it
"I got my license when I was 16, yeah." she said "I wrecked my fucking spider after two weeks though."
"Spider?" my dad asked
"Yeah, I don't know the make or whatever, some two seater convertible thing." She said dismissively, opening her soju and taking a sip. Her face crinkled, then she pulled away from the bottle "Oh, shit, it's like, juice or something..."
"Are you going to talk about cars and booze all afternoon or help me cook?" my mom asked, pointing to the veggies, meat, tofu, and dumpling wraps she'd laid out.
"Oh, sorry, let's get started, sorry..." Marissa gulped some more of the soju, and set it to the side, stepping up beside my mother to help chop up the cabbage.
I watched them work, pointing out how to cut the mushrooms and zucchini, while my mom prepared the tofu for my batch. I unhooked my arm and nestled against Marissa's neck feeling the blood rushing past me and her neck pulse as she drank more soju. I knew this feeling of peace was fabricated, Marissa was on her best behavior and trying to impress them, and my parents were uncomfortable with her but playing along for me, but it almost felt like it could be real some day, if we just tried a little harder. That made me feel a sense of hope for the future, one that I hadn't felt in weeks...
Marissa began chopping the pork, and I tried to avert my eyes. It was just meat, yeah, but it was still a dead thing, that she was just chopping up to eat. It was gross and weird, even if it was 'normal'. She laughed under her breath, and I looked up to see a hidden smile on her face as she watched me. I tensed up, nothing good happened when she smiled like that... She bent forward slightly, and rolled her shoulder, and I felt myself slipping. I shrieked, and tumbled through the air, falling a full foot at least before I hit the counter with a squish-
Squish? No, not the counter, then... I felt my heart catch, and I pushed my face off the sticky wet sucking surface I was laying on and screamed, the grey meat and blood clinging to my face, hair, and tracksuit. I struggled to stand, my feet slipping on the fleshy surface, falling back to my knees with a squelch. I felt my eyes tear up and my breathing quickened. I lifted my hands up away from my body and stared up at Marissa giggling down at me, her cheeks pink and her eyes sparkling. I felt the tears go down my face and I sobbed once, shaking my head as she reached down for me.
"Aw, Amber, you gotta be careful!" she said "You could have hurt yourself, you need to remember to hold on!"
I flinched at her touch, and shook as she picked me up off the slab of dead flesh, dead parts hanging on me, dead blood in my hair, dead bits, dead dead dead, I was covered in animal, in dead, it filled my nose, it was on my skin, in my clothes, I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe, the meat was going into my lungs, it was too much, I was covered in death I wanted-
"Miss Park, Amber got some pork on her, I'd like to clean her up, where's the bathroom?"
I head the voice, but I couldn't understand it, the world was foggy and distant, and I let myself be carried around the corner to the small dimly lit bathroom. I felt myself get set on the counter and the water turned on.
"Wow, that sound was great, you just fucking splatted, I was impressed." Marissa snickered "Hey, get your tracksuit off, I'll get water on it and clean it up, hope you don't mind being a little dressed down for dinner."
I sat still, arms to my sides, breathing out of my mouth, afraid to move and remember that I was practically dripping with death.
"Amber?" Marissa said "You gotta undress, I don't want to waterboard you, I can't wash them with you in them..."
I let out a whimper and tried to stand, but went back to my knees. I was covered in a dead thing, all the bits of it, all over me. Marissa lowered herself to the counter level, and stared at me from behind. She let out a low sigh, and picked me up, unzipping my top and pulling it off.
"Amber, it's just pork, it's fine, you'll be ok."
"D-dead thing..." I said, shaking as she pulled my sweatpants off, leaving me in an undershirt and boyshorts.
"I mean, I guess it's a dead thing, it's meat, it's- I don't know, that's a gross way to describe it."
"It- it's a gross thing..." I said, my teeth chattering
She dunked my clothes in the water, scrubbing them gently "Ok, fine, whatever. It was just like, a dumb prank."
I felt myself sharpen and I turned to her "You can't just slather someone in dead thing and call it a prank, Marissa, I have dead thing in my hair."
She glared at me "Oh- it's- ugh look, you're fine, you'll be a little awkward now, being around your parents in your underthings, that's the point of it, not the 'dead thing' or whatever."
"I just- I can't believe you let your urges get the best of you here." I said "You know this is important."
"...I blame that juice your dad gave me. I just had one, but gods, I'm actually feeling it, I'll have to remember that stuff..."
"You can't just blame alcohol." I snipped "You need to take responsibility."
She looked at me, and hummed thoughtfully "...Ok, whatever. Let's wash your hair, then I'll take 'responsibility', ok?"
She looked in the shower and got some shampoo, Henri's, I noticed, the cherry scented kind, and put a dab in my hair. She held me in one hand as she pushed my head into the trickle of water. Her fingers rubbed my hair, pulling slightly but foaming up the soap and cleaning my hair all the same. Her fingers moved to my face, pushing against it, clearing the blood, then to my hands, her fingertips bigger than both of them together, as she cleaned me off. Once the blood was gone, she plucked a tissue out of a box next to the sink and dabbed me dry, being careful not to rub too hard against me. Once she was done, she sat on the edge of the tub and looked at me, shivering but clean, and smiled.
"Gods, you're so fucking cute..." she said, her smile implying that wasn't as much of a good thing as it sounded
"Ok, so can we find something for me to wear?" I said, hugging myself
"Oh..." she said softly "Are you cold because I took your clothes? I guess I need to take responsibility and warm you up..."
"Marissa, we are at my parent's house." I said, incredulously "What are you thinking?"
"Well, I hate seeing my little girl all cold like this..." She said, grinning her stupid, adorable lazy grin "I can warm you up so, so easily..."
I thought about protesting more, but... I was pretty cold, and I was still upset at her for covering me in dead animal. If this was an apology, I should accept it, for now. She pulled me in towards her mouth and pressed her lips into my torso, kissing my chest, and moving down to my arms, letting her alcohol-warmed skin do the work for her. I closed my eyes as her mouth kissed my cold, cold hands, and her fingers rubbed my legs. It was... nice, it made me feel like I was her whole focus, the sole person in her life. I felt a tingle of power, a feeling that I was in control here, she was doing this for me.
She pulled me away "Oh... you're not warming up, Amber..." she said in a fake sad voice
"Y- you can keep trying..." I said "I'll warm up soon...
"Let's try something else..." She said, pulling up her shirt and moving me under it.
I found myself pressing into her chest, right where her ribcage met. Her bone was hard, but covered by a layer of warm, soft skin that took me into it. I pushed my cold body against her, my legs drawing heat, my hands rubbing, the tops of my feet flat against her upper stomach. I felt so, so good. It was one thing laying on her stomach through her shirts, or in a pocket, it was another thing to be pressed against her bare skin itself. I looked up at the cavern I was in, her chest curving slightly over me, her face peeking through the neck hole of her shirt, the shirt itself flared out like a tent making her body look like the centerpiece of a cathedral. I wasn't going to forgive her for the meat just yet, I was still upset, but this was a very, very good way for her to make it up to me...
A loud banging on the door make Marissa jerk, smushing me against her even tighter.
"Hey, hurry up! I'm trying to teach you!" My mom yelled "You've been in there too long!"
"S-sorry!" Marissa said, her face flushing "I was trying to make sure her hair was dry and stuff..."
She pulled me out and set me on the counter, pulling another tissue out of the box and wrapping it around my waist. I tucked it along my side to make a skirt, and tried not to laugh at how flustered Marissa looked. She'd get in someone's face and make them feel like trash, but almost getting caught cuddling me sent her into a tizzy. It reminded me of how overly modest and concerned for my privacy she'd been when I first moved in. I stepped into her hand, the tissue skirt doing well enough to cover me and provide warmth, and we headed back to the kitchen.
"Sorry Miss Park," Marissa said "she was really concerned about the meat juice on her, so I wanted to help her feel clean again."
"And that involved taking her clothes off?" my mom eyed me
"I had meat juice on the clothes..." I said "They had to be washed, but they're too wet to wear now."
My dad leveled a look at Marissa "I'm sure that was the only reason your clothes are off, Amber"
Marissa nodded quickly "Yeah, that's the only reason."
"Come help me make Amber's mandu." My mom said "We have to chop it up very very small, and I'm using eggroll wraps instead of regular wraps for hers, so it's not just dough."
"Oh, uh, that's clever..." Marissa said, putting me back on her shoulder and stepping back over.
I made sure to hold on very tightly to her strap this time as she moved through the kitchen, learning how the steamer worked, how to crimp the mandu, and how to tell if the dumplings were done. By the time she was finished, the kitchen was warm and cozy, and full of wonderful smells.
I tugged at Marissa "Hey, I'm getting kinda hungry, and it's getting late, let's get Appa and eat, ok?"
My mom pointed her finger at me "No, we need rice and kimchi, I have the kimchi in the fridge, but we need to cook the rice. Marissa, do you cook rice at home?"
"No, I don't." Marissa said, politely neglecting to mention she didn't cook anything at her home, due to her live in cook.
"This-" my mother pointed at the rice cooker "is a rice cooker. You put rice in it up to the line." she pointed "Then water up to this line. Then you turn it on, ten minutes later, you have rice."
Marissa nodded "Well, even if I forget the rest, I'll know how to make rice."
"You want 'sticky rice'. The ones that aren't sticky are no good." my mother explained, setting up the cooker and turning it on. "Now we wait."
"Should we warm up the kimchi?" Marissa asked
"We eat it cold, here." my dad said "I grew up with it cold, so I prefer it that way."
Marissa nodded slowly "Ok, yeah. That makes sense. I think I've had it before, but it would have been hot."
"I like it hot." I said "But I'll just be eating the mandu."
"You need to eat slowly, Amber." my dad reminded me "You aren't supposed to eat people food at all, much less make a meal of it."
Marissa's mouth twitched "...People food?" She asked, innocently
I kicked her in the neck, but she just smiled wider
"Oh, oh no, Not- Amber, Kkoma, no..." he said, stricken "I wasn't- oh, I'm so sorry, it was a slip of the tongue..."
"I get it, Appa." I said. It stung more than it should, but I understood what he'd meant. It still felt hurtful to have my dad remind me that I wasn't human anymore.
"Marissa." my mother said sternly "Go sit on the couch until the rice is done."
Marissa looked around, and then walked out of the kitchen, and sat in front of the tv, pulling me into her hand and holding me around the waist. She looked up at my mom and dad, my dad was still drinking soju, and my mom had started setting the table. She bit her lip and looked down at me nervously. She shrugged, in a 'what happened?' way, and I shook my head. She hadn't said anything bad, but I knew my mom had picked up on her trying to make my dad feel bad. I knew she couldn't resist it, it's who she was, but my mom was sharp, and she didn't stand for anyone hurting her people.
We sat quietly, Marissa playing with me, moving my limbs and 'dancing' with me on her knees. It was nerve wracking to be spinning and twirling next to the drop off, it was just her knee to the floor, but it would still be enough to hurt me badly, or kill me. Still, her ring finger seemed to stay behind me the whole time, as her other fingers pulled me along the makeshift dance floor.
"Ok, dinner is ready, you two." my mom called out.
We made our way to the table, and sat down, me and Marissa across from my parents. The air was still tense, but it was less oppressive than it had been. The dumplings, rice, and kimchi were in nice serving dishes, and a fresh bottle of soju sat in from of both my dad and Marissa. She really didn't need any more, but... As long as her tipsy urges were cuddly instead of bullying, I didn't care.
"This smells really good..." Marissa said
"Fix your plate, get what you want." my dad said, putting the tiny, tofu filled dumplings on his bottle cap and setting them in front of me. As Marissa fixed her plate and my parents followed suit, I picked up one of the mandu. It was still lots of dough despite the thinner wraps, and the veggies were huge compared to what I was used to, but if I stretched my mouth, I should be able to fit it in. I looked down at my stomach. Was this a good idea? I really, really didn't want to get sick, and my parents didn't have a bathroom my size, so I'd have to ask Marissa to bring up my travel box from the car, and... it would just be honestly humiliating. Still, if the others at group ate people food with no issue, I could end up being ok...
"How is it, Amber?" Marissa asked, holding one of her own
"Uh, let me check..." I said. These would get cold fast, so I needed to eat up, stomach issues be damned. I took a large bite, and chewed slowly. The texture was... wrong and weird, nothing like the dumplings I'd grown up with, but the flavor was everything I remembered it was, and that's what counted. I gave a thumbs up and a smile as I took another bite.
"Wow, too busy eating to talk, huh." Marissa said "I guess we did a good job?"
"Eat your dinner, try it for yourself." my mom said, pointing.
I swallowed and looked up at Marissa "We usually don't talk and eat much, it's like, disrespectful. It's food time, not talking time."
"Ah, ok, got it." Marissa took a bite of mandu, and chewed thoughtfully. "Well..." She said "it's pretty good, I see why you like it."
My mom just pointed to the plate, and waved her hand. Marissa nodded, and we ate in silence. It usually wasn't this quiet, we almost always talked a little, especially when we had company over, traditions aside. It felt more like my mom was testing Marissa, or possibly trying to show she's still in charge here, even if Marissa owns me. I ate my last dumpling, and sighed in contentment. Even if I got super sick, the feeling I had right now was worth it, the family meal, the people I loved, the full tummy, the food I grew up with, all shared with my new partner, who was doing her absolute best to be good tonight, nothing could ruin this...
The door to our apartment jiggled and swung open, and I flinched, cursing myself for tempting fate. My head darted to the opening to the living room to see how she'd react...
"Sorry Miss Park, I forgot to get your card for the groceries when I left this morning, I'll just pick it up and..." Henri's voice trailed off as she rounded the corner and stood at the bar, her mouth hanging open at the four of us eating dinner.
"Hi, Henri." Marissa said smoothly "I wasn't expecting you here, what a pleasant surprise."
Henri's eyes flicked from me to Marissa to my parents, and she worked her mouth, trying to come up with words to say
"I- we, ah, yes, such a lovely surprise..." she said "I really didn't expect to see you here..."
"Wouldn't you like some mandu?" Marissa crooned "I made it myself, even Amber had some, I'm trying to learn how to make her more comfortable, and knowing how to make her favorite food goes a long way."
"I- Th- Amber can't eat mandu..." Henri said "She- she's going to get sick, you- you can't just give her whatever she wants, you need to take care of her."
"My daughter is a grown woman." my mom said firmly "If she wants to eat my cooking and get sick, I'll cook anything she wants."
"But- no, you can't just- Marissa, you have a duty to keep her safe."
"Henri, maybe possibly being a little sick later isn't unsafe." I said "It's no different than me and you going to that one taco place you like."
Henri was breathing heavily, and her head was turning to look at each of us in turn, her words on the verge of coming out.
Finally, she stamped her foot and shouted, her voice cracking as she pointed at Marissa
"She's not supposed to be here!" she yelled "She's worming her way in, she's trying to trick you, to make you like her so she can do whatever she wants, she's fucking evil!"
My father stood up "Henri, Marissa is here as a favor to Amber. Not because she wants to be."
"That's what she wants you to think, she's making you think she's willing to do what Amber wants, to bend over backwards for her, to learn to cook for some reason, but really she's just trying to get you to like her, she's manipulating all of you!"
I stood up too "No, look, I asked her to be here, we talked it out, like adults, we talked to my parents about it. We're doing the family thing, we're getting along, and they're getting to know each other, because I asked them to."
Henri glared at me "You're only doing this because Marissa had so much time to worm into your brain, to influence you to 'choose' this. If you really wanted to have everyone get to know each other, why did you hide it from me? Because you knew I'd expose her game?"
"Because I knew you'd do this." I snapped "You act like I can't make my own fucking choices, like I can't talk to people or decide stuff, but this was my fucking idea, whether you believe it or not. I'm not being manipulated, I can think for myself, and if I want to eat my favorite food, I can deal with the fucking consequences my fucking self, godsdamnit."
Henri shook her hands "But-"
"But nothing, go to your room!" my mom cut her off "You're ruining dinner, and you're being disrespectful!"
Henri's eyes shone and her face crumpled, but she spun and stomped off to my- her room and slammed the door behind her. My dad shook his head slowly and took a drink.
"You know..." He said "Sometimes when people want something enough, they have a hard time seeing other people's needs as important..."
I stared at the greasy bottle cap I'd been eating off of. She wasn't bad, but... She'd just proved that she didn't see me as a 'real person' anymore, not deep down. I missed her anyway though, the Henri that had movie nights with me, and that worked out with me, or who helped me study. I pulled on Marissa's hand, and she looked down.
"You good?" She asked
"I... think we should go talk to her." I said "We won't have a chance tomorrow if she's getting there after everyone, and we need to get some stuff settled..."
"It might do you some good to have privacy with her." my dad agreed
My mom picked up the serving dishes and started putting them away "Just make sure she won't be crying all night again." she said "I'm tired of having to keep the TV up to drown her out."
Me and Marissa made out way to my old room and pushed through the door. Henri was on the bed, a new one, since mine had mostly compressed, and was crying, with an episode of Mister Ed on my old TV. She glanced over at us, and huffed, throwing her pillow at Marissa's head. Marissa cupped my body with her fingers as the pillow hit her and she kicked the door shut behind her.
"That's one more time you could have killed Amber, you know." Marissa said neutrally.
"What?" Henri said, sitting up
"The pillow, it could have knocked her out of my hands, she could have hit her neck on the floor, instant death." Marissa said, looking at the posters of video game and anime characters on my walls.
"That- no, you were holding her..." Henri said
"I'm just saying, you're very quick to judge me for just wanting to eat dinner with her family, while you're seemingly on a mission to end her life. Or someone's life, at least."
"I wouldn't ever hurt her!" Henri said shooting out of bed "I love her! You know that!"
"You love her like a doll, Henri." Marissa said, staring into her eyes "You don't see her as a human."
"I- I do, I promise, I just know we're supposed to protect class Bs, it's not about her being 'human' or anything, I just- I have to make sure she's safe..."
"You're sure you see her as a full person?" Marissa asked, tilting her head
"I do, and I know I do."
"Then it's interesting how you haven't addressed her once since I came in, and didn't say anything to her earlier until she said something to you" Marissa said softly "Almost like you forget she's real..."
"That- no, you're lying." Henri said "I did too talk to her."
"You didn't, actually." I said, thinking about it "And you ignored me when I tried to talk the first time, and the second time I tried to talk to you, you dismissed it as me not being able to make my own decisions."
Henri glanced down, and her face crumpled for a split second, then flared, then changed to an expression of shock. She backed up and sat back on the bed.
"Oh no..." she whispered "Oh, oh no..."
"Yes, Henri?" Marissa asked in a sweet voice
"I can't-" she looked at Marissa and her face turned into a snarl "You're trying to trick me again..."
"Nope, it was Amber who said that last part." Marissa said "I'm just standing here."
"I don't understand, what happened?" I asked
"Henri just realized that she doesn't see you as a real person anymore after all." Marissa said smugly.
My heart fell. I'd hoped it wasn't true, that I was overreacting, but...
"I- Amber, I can be better, you're just so small and fragile, I just-" Henri said "I love you, I just- I want to care for you, I value you so much, I can still see you as a person, I promise."
"Tell you what." Marissa said "Tomorrow night, I'll tell everyone you're Amber's servant. You'll follow her every order, you'll do what she says, you'll call her mistress. Treating her like your better for a while should help re-wire your brain into remembering she's a person, right?"
"Oh, wait, um..." I said "I'm not good at giving orders..."
"I'll coach you, it's fine." Marissa said, smiling
"I'll do it, anything she says, I'll do." Henri said, her eyes fierce and cold "But not because you told me to, but because I fucking love her and I want to fucking prove I see her as a fucking human."
"Well don't tell me, tell her." reminded Marissa "You're still talking past her, even now."
Henri flinched, and looked at me, her eyes meeting mine. "I love you Klein Fee, and I would do anything you ask, forever, and to the ends of time."
"Ok, well, don't kill Marissa, don't act like a creep, and stop letting your emotions run away, to start..." I said
She looked at her hands, and didn't respond.
"Well, I think this has been very productive!" Marissa said, smiling "I gotta get Amber back home, but hey, this was a good talk, see you tomorrow?"
Henri still didn't respond, so Marissa nodded and turned, heading back to the living room. As we said goodbye to my parents and got ready to leave, I couldn't help but wonder how much Henri could really change, and if I'd ever get my friend back again...
~~~